I have a really bad habit of wasting my heart. Picture the
woman with the alabaster jar times like 12. I love to spill my love on Jesus,
yes, more than anything. But, I also have a horrible record of spilling my love
on men who didn’t deserve or even want it. I would leave with a long face and a
shattered heart, rejected and confused.
But about a year ago, God explained it all to me. I knew my
worth, but I was not wise with it. I was not walking in it. I was spilling my
love on a man who wasn’t at all for me, didn’t want me and didn’t have the
capacity to understand my worth because I was not his and I wasn’t going to be.
After doing this for months I finally got set free from the spirit of rejection
that seriously harassed me for years and years. And years! And it finally
exploded with this guy and my pastor told me that I was wasting my heart. I was
so convicted.
Since then, I’ve been trying to learn how to be hidden in
Christ. How to truly guard my heart and love at the same time. Love anyone and
everyone. But, here’s the thing. Maybe I’m some special breed of woman, but I
just can’t be close to a man without catching feelings. It’s statistically been
a fail across the timeline of my life. I’m too generous, my heart is too big
and I am too zealous to set reasonable boundaries. I mean, I have men that I’m
friends with, but they are in my outer courts. I don’t text them every day. I
don’t talk to them even every week. We know each other, but we have boundaries.
Some we set in place and most are just there without having to set them.
I used to think I was a weirdo. I thought, what kind of crazy woman is always catching feelings for somebody? What do you want from me, God??? Want me to be a NUN? Want me to hide from every brother in Christ I see? Not talk to them? Be rude? What can I DO to not waste my heart ANYMORE??!!!
I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did (yes I sung that to the Backstreet Boys tune) you're NOT exempt from catching feelings for your brother or sister in Christ!
Guard your heart. From out of it FLOW all the ISSUES of life! You don't need to be letting all your issues flow all over the place in an intimate conversation in the middle of the night. Talkin' bout some "I was ministering to her."
Boy, please.
You're a MAN! Yes, you're saved. No, you not trying to hook up. But you must be WISE. I don't care who the woman is or what kind of excuse she uses, if she is following God and has a heart of flesh, she want you or she wouldn't be paying you any attention. I know this. I'm a woman!
I used to think I was special. Some kind of over dramatic woman who would fall for anybody. But that's not true. We are all essentially the same. So, beloved brothers, here are some things you oughta know.
***These are things that pertain to God fearing women. If the woman you talking to is not saved you need to let that GO! Immediately.
1. We want someone who will make us feel special. (Yes, she feels special because she cannot see all the other people, men and women alike, that you have in your inbox along with her.)
2. We want someone who can point us towards Jesus. (YES, it is MUCHO attractive to us that you love the Lord more than anything or anyone! We love it! Ask any woman. You can be as ugly as you wanna be, but if you preaching the WORD! You just got real fine. I'm telling the truth in this place.)
3. We want a man that is easy to respect. (We may act salty when you rebuke or point out our sin, but on the inside we want to submit to that! Be careful if she is practicing submission on you. She tryna get wifed up.)
4. We want someone who loves his mama! (Just please, be easy on the family details. If she is coming to your house and hanging out with your mama, she already grafted herself into your family in her head. Yes, that sounds crazy to you. But us women are in it to win it. If your mother is mentoring some young women in your church, don't take to them to quick. Cause they will have you claimed in a hot second. Just so you know.)
Now, these aren't things that are your fault, men. You're pursuing God, so you're gonna be awesome! Just be wise with who you share it with. And be aware that just as often as men are tempted with sex, we are tempted to spill our love and will get MAD when it's not reciprocated. Why? I have no idea. Ask the Lord. And let me know what you find out.
Ladies, I'm not a man. But I can tell you what I've been through. You need to guard your heart. Do not be afraid to set boundaries for yourself. PLEASE!!! Listen to the HOLY SPIRIT and cut off that one guy friend who is just a little too close and whose last name you already matched with yours to see if it's doable. Don't play me. You know what I'm talking about. Please, don't waste the treasure that you are on a man that is not your husband or future husband. The man God has for you will treasure you more than you can fathom. We have already processed how to keep our legs closed, now let's be emotionally pure as well!
Everybody wants to tell us how to not have sex! But, ladies, let's be real, most of us are past that and it is time to go on to maturity! You know better! This is not about legalism. So stop blaming it on the law and break that emotional tie. That's where it starts for us. We have given up having sex for pleasure, but if that man you've been eyeing and connecting with tried to get at you, you're already so emotionally tied up, you'd let him! Yes. I just said that. So, sister, let it go. He's not for you. And it's hard. And it sucks. But you have to break that tie. You have to break that habit. That's something you do not want in your future marriage. Get intimate with God and all other intimacies will pale in comparison.
So, I'm done with this post. Ladies, if you need prayer over that emotional tie, please call me and I WILL PRAY WITH YOU!
Gentlemen, read a book or two and learn how to guard your sister's hearts. Don't be afraid to say hey girl, you don't need to be telling me all that! Boundaries are not the law. All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. Be wise. Please.
Song of Solomon says THREE times:
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Vv. 2:7, 2:5, 8:4
Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. 1 Corinthians 10:23, 24
