I remember I was at a retreat with my church. I remember
hearing all about marriage and submission. I remember being taught that my
mission as a wife was to help my husband. I remember also being very young in
the faith and just young period at this time. So, I went to my pastor’s wife
and asked her with all the sincerity in my heart, for I was truly concerned,
“What am I supposed to do until he gets here?”
She looked at me sort of puzzled as she advised me to follow
the path God had for me. She said some other helpful things that I do not
recall, but what I remember most is that it seemed as if she was surprised that
I had some idea that there was nothing for me to do! But I really did not
understand.
There are so many extremes on submission in the church. I
grew up in a holiness church where men and women alike would preach from the
pulpit and minister to congregations and even be senior pastors. I’ve also
served in churches where that did not happen at all. I’ve even been told I
could not lead a ministry because I am a woman. All of this on top of coming
from a background of women whose men abused their strengths by hurting the
women they were supposed to love whether with words or with fists. So, it’s
safe to say I’ve been around the way when it comes to the idea of submission.
From a young girl seeing my mother get jumped on by my dad
during the short while he was in our home I decided that I would never let a
man run me. Not I. No. And thank God that I’ve never actually been in love so
that this inner vow hasn’t backfired like it has on most women. But that day at
the retreat my born again heart was truly curious as to what a woman is
supposed to do without a man. Especially since what I was being taught seemed
so contradictory.
They would say don’t be so consumed with finding a husband,
he’s supposed to find you, just serve the Lord until he comes, and all that
jazz. And I’m like ok, cool. Don’t worry
about a man, focus on God. And then comes the other lessons about
submission and how a woman is made to be a helpmeet. These teachers talked so
highly of being a helpmeet that I wondered if I’m made to do that what am I supposed to do in the mean time?
Is this making sense? I
was trying to not focus on wanting a husband while focusing on becoming ready to
be a wife. That just don’t make no sense in my head. Maybe I’m alone in
this?
Well, it wasn’t working. And I soon found myself playing a
waiting game and believing God for a man. I was praying to God asking Him to
make me a better helpmeet. I was preparing myself to give it all up to help
some man with his dream and his ministry. Boy, did I feel noble. I was surely
like Jesus now, willing to sacrifice it all. I was sure that I finally
understood submission when I was ready to give up all my dreams to help this
man with his ministry.
Long story short, I was wrong again.
I mean, this man was going on to do something COMPLETELY
unlike the life I wanted and the desires I knew that were from God. He needed
someone who would stay at home and care for his kids and all that jazz. Not
that I don’t want to do that. But God had/has something so different in my
heart. I want to be ablaze spiting the fire of God from my big mouth all over
the world, not sitting at home while my husband travels and spreads the gospel.
There’s nothing wrong with staying at home, but my heart yearns to travel and
preach.
I believed that submission meant giving up all of my dreams
and goals to help my one-day husband accomplish his. That way of thinking was only
half true. Yes, I am called to help a man one day, in God's timing. However, my
helping him, though it will involve sacrifice, as all true love does, will not
cause me to release God's plan for my life. I will not have to evict my dreams to make room in my heart for his
dreams.
Ladies, submission does not belittle us, it empowers us.
Submission does not muzzle us, it strengthens us. I encourage you to practice
submitting to the Holy Spirit and you will learn, like me, that submitting one
to another is in our best interest!
Besides, the man God has for you, and for me, man, our
dreams will be one in the same and we will each play a vital part in bringing
those dreams into reality.
So stop WAITING around to tailor your dreams to somebody
else’s. DREAM!!! DREAM BIG!!! And believe God that your future mate will have
the same dreams as you! And if a guy comes along that doesn’t, he might as well
move around.
1 Corinthians 7:34b-35
An unmarried woman or virgin is
concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in
both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of
this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I
am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in
a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
