evangelism |iˈvanjəˌlizəm|nounthe spreading of the Christian gospel by public preaching or personal witness.• zealous advocacy of a cause.
You may or may not have heard this word often. You may have heard it from a pulpit or from across a table. You may have heard it on the street. I first heard this word on the college campus in a ministry meeting and for me this is a word that came with so much PRESSURE.
I've always been pumped about Jesus. Since the day I came to know Him, and especially since the day I was filled with the Holy Spirit, I've been advocating Him everywhere that I go. People must know that Jesus is the answer. After trying any and everything, I finally turned away from my sins and to the face of Jesus who was relentlessly pursuing me. And when my friends would come to me with their life issues, sometimes only when I was out of answers, but I would always lead them to Jesus. More boldly in recent years, but I always knew He was The Way. In the depths of me I knew and I needed to share.
However, I NEVER considered myself an "evangelist". I quickly learned that "evangelists" were those who were particularly zealous about telling everyone they meet about Jesus no matter where they are, what they are doing, or whose time they are on. I soon learned among the Christian circle that there are even TYPES of evangelists! I KNOW! News to me, too! There's street evangelists, campus evangelists, revival evangelists and I'm sure I'm missing several of them.
Most "evangelists" I knew were very LOUD, VERY long-winded, pretty arrogant, SUPER INTENSE people-people, kind of bossy, not very gentle, very good manipulators and not very detailed or empathetic. Therefore, when I felt like the Lord was drawing on my heart at a conference to rise up as an evangelist, you can imagine my hesitation, confusion and withdrawal.
I knew that if this is something that is the core of me God would have to do some serious renewing of my mind on the heavy weight that the title carried.
Not to mention, I always felt horrible because when we would go on these evangelism trips or have appointed times to go out two by two to preach on campus, I failed horribly at it. I crumbled under the pressure. It was so unnatural to me to be sort of forced to go out and preach to gospel to at least seven people. It STRESSED ME OUT.
But God has taught me some things over the past year.
Firstly, everyone would always say to me, "We're all evangelists!!! We are all called to share Jesus!" Now, it is true that we are all called to share Jesus. But it's a bit of a stretch to say we are all evangelists. The Bible speaks specifically of the five offices in a healthy church. (And He gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds ad the teachers to equip the saints for the work of the ministry, for building up the body of Christ," Ephesians 4:11, 12) So we see here that though God has called us all to share Jesus, He has appointed some to hold the office, responsibility and high honor of equipping us to do so.
While I believe among us all there are plenty who carry a desire and a gift in any of these five areas, God has appointed some of us with a special grace to not only be these things, but to equip and train those who have strengths in these areas.
God broke this down to me, that we are all to share Jesus, but it comes more naturally to some of us and to those of us it is easier for, we should be evangelizing in conjunction with helping those who struggle with the pressure.
So, if it's hard for you to go out to your local Walmart and preach the gospel to strangers on the chip aisle, by all means realize that this is not the only way to share Jesus. Also realize that if God speaks to you to do something of that nature, trust Him, and take an evangelist with you! That's what the BODY is for! Lean and depend on one another. But do not feel condemned that brother so and so thrives in daring situations like leading someone to Christ on a roller coaster at your local theme park and you stumble over your words talking to an unbelieving coworker. Be you and share the love of Christ the way that God has called you to.
Secondly, God just broke the chains that were associated with the word evangelize. First He said to me, "Darling, it doesn't have to be so formal." Meaning, I don't have to gear up, put on a tool belt with my evangelism tools in it, go out and lay down Romans road to every person I meet. God has moved on my heart to live life with people and to understand that He fits in! Jesus made the whole world and all the people who are in it, so we don't have to feel awkward for bringing Him into the conversation. HE IS THE CONVERSATION! Be you. There will be challenges. But don't stray from being exactly who God made you to be and sharing His love and His truth according to the guidance of His Holy Spirit within you. Reach your Judea, the place and the people who are in your realm of influence.
Then he showed me that evangelism is no more than sharing Him with the people in my life. That's why you read me saying "share Jesus" more often than saying "evangelize" because that word has a negative connotation now a days. Spread the good news, man. Make disciples. It's not something to stress about. Be free of the pressure to record numbers and conversations and file reports. Just be you, let your light shine, and like a moth to a flame Jesus will draw them. It's in His word. Lift me up and I will draw all men!
And though some people thrive doing evangelism on the streets to the homeless, and some people have a heart to share Jesus on college campuses, the Lord did not deem these in the scripture as different types of evangelists. We are called to make disciples of all nations, no matter who, what, when, where or how. I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone some and see what the good Lord does.
Lastly, HAVE COURAGE.
We are not of those who shrink back. The righteous are as bold as lions. We often don't shrink back from loving people, as long as it's mushy love and not real biblical love, but it is important not to shrink back from sharing the truth as well. Not only in word but in deed. Don't shrink back from having integrity and have courage when faced when temptation. It goes a long, long way.
courage |ˈkərij; ˈkə-rij|nounthe ability to do something that frightens one : she called on all her courage to face the ordeal.• strength in the face of pain or grief : he fought his illness with great courage.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Monday, September 16, 2013
FEARLESS
God spoke to me at a healing conference. During a session a lady said to ask God what we would do for fun together. And I thought of all the things other people might choose. I thought of things that would be fun to other people but wouldn't be so fun to me. One image was of my riding a roller coaster. HAH! If you know me you KNOW I don't do roller coasters. I'm not the one. So I asked God why did that image come to mind. He said to me, "Ventura, I want to make you FEARLESS."
I was like. Oooookay??
Since then I've been talking with God about what that consists of. I consider myself pretty...bold...already. But there are definitely fears that I have been holding onto with a tight grip. I DEFINITELY fear roller coasters. Lol. For sure. I've learned some things about fear in my 23 years.
Firstly, fear will EXPOSE you.
The summer I turned 20 I worked at a Christian athletic camp called Kids Across America. (KAA, U KNOW!) It was totally a wilderness for me because I am not athletic. One day our boss surprised us with a trip to the zip-line. My co was SO excited because we never really got to do much as office girls. I was indifferent and felt loved by the surprise, but not about zip-lining itself. But I harnessed up and walked up the stairs like I just do stuff like this all the time. Smh. I was ignorant and in for a rude awakening.
There's a rule that when you go up the only way down is by zip-lining to the other end. Now, the zipping across wasn't my issue. My issue was jumping. I mean who willingly jumps off the edge of anything 30 or 40 feet in the air? What kind of sense does that make? Oh what'd you do today? I jumped off a cliff! NOT THIS WOMAN. HECK NO!
I WAS NOT HAVING IT. I acted a FOOL! I kicked and screamed like a 7 year old girl. I was NOT about that life. I literally screamed and cried and begged and pleaded and pouted. I showed my BUTT! Lol. I just acted crazy. In the presence of my fear I threw out all inhibitions. I didn't care what anyone thought as long as I didn't have to jump.
Long story short, they pushed me off.
It's funny now because a week later I did it again. I thought to myself, "Really, V? This is how you die? In a zip-lining accident in Golden, Missouri at the age of 20?" Once I thought out my fears to the logical conclusion, I enjoyed it more because I knew Jesus was in my boat.
Have I taken such a fearless leap since? Hmmm...no.
However, the more I begin to conquer my natural fears I know that when I am tempted to fear in the path God has called me to how to react with faith.
This song is amazing. It reminds me that God wants to make me fearless. It reminds me that I don't have to fear failure not because I won't fail but because even when I do God does not. I am His and He is mine therefore failure isn't that bad of an option.
When I am weak, He is strong. When I am strong, He is strong. And when I take my fears to Jesus, He exchanges them with a greater measure of faith.
So now I can say, though it's scary, Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.
God did not give me a spirit of fear.
There's a similar story in the gospels of a storm that was brewing as the disciples were traveling by boat. As the waves tossed them from side to side Jesus was taking a good ole nap on a soft pillow below the deck. The disciples run in frantic and immediately question His motives. "Teacher, do you not even CARE that we're all about to DIE??!!!" Oh, we are so dramatic, aren't we?
Jesus responds to them with a question as well. "Why are you so fearful?"
So I ask you, are you ready? Can you ask God to take you where your feet may fail so that He will increase your faith? Are you ready to embrace the trials, the storms of life? Are you ready to embrace the victories of life that come during the storms? Or will someone have to push you into the storms kicking and screaming and begging to get out?
REMEMBER WHO IS IN YOUR BOAT!!! Also note that most of our fears are completely illogical. Pastor Chuck said it takes more faith to believe our fears than to believe God. We are over here wondering why God isn't delivering us from the turmoil of the trials that are promised to come and Jesus is fast asleep in the boat wondering why we don't have faith.
Take some time this week and write out all of your fears. Seriously. Write them down. And then draw them out to their logical conclusion. Then ask God to reveal Himself in your fear and you'll see that He is there. He always is. And if Jesus is in the boat, chances are you aren't all going to die.
LOGICALLY if God CALLED you to do something, move somewhere, ride a roller coaster, work at a certain place, do a certain thing, then He will be there! God will not lead you to drown and die, but He might lead you where you feel like you might. But just in the nick of time. WHEW!!! Won't He do it? Hasn't He always come through? He's never failed and He won't start now.
LISTEN TO THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!! 12 times!!!!! Read the lyrics!!!! Let God minister to you through His Holy Spirit!
I will call upon Your name, keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace for I am YOURS AND YOU ARE MINE!!!!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Wifey Material
Today I saw this quote on Instagram.
"The Bible says that, 'he that finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.' It does not say he who finds a girlfriend who he begins to date, who he then gives a ring, who he then proposes to and then gets married to. You're not a wife when I marry you - you're a wife when I find you. You become MY wife when I marry you. Wife is not a ring, it's the presence of a devoted heart. Wife is not a title, it's a statement of your character. If you want a husband, carry yourself like a wife, otherwise you'll have the spirit of girlfriend and little boys will play with you." -John Gray
Not a week ago I was having breakfast with who I call my mentor and she was telling me something very similar. She said that you become a wife before you ever get married. Being married doesn't make you a wife and you can become a great wife before you ever say I do.
But how do I become a wife without a husband? You ask. Easy. MARRY JESUS CHRIST! Too many women call themselves Christians but don't understand the values of being a Godly wife. But you want a Godly man? Who loves the Lord? Who treats you well? Who loves you like Christ loves the church? But you don't even carry yourself in holiness and honor?
You think you can submit to, respect and love unconditionally a fickle man on this earth when you aren't even fully devoted to God? Sorry, sister, that's not gonna work.
You need PRACTICE. Before you go on and ruin a marriage. You need to become as much like Christ as you possibly can, because all marriage is going to do is EXPOSE YOU in the areas you think you can hide. You think you can hide from your friends and family and church members. You think you can put on a half hearted facade that you are whole in Christ so that you can get you a man. I got news for you, honey, what's done in the dark WILL come to the light. You will not magically become this pure, pristine, faithful, submissive woman with a servant heart and hands that can cook on your wedding day. It's pretty impossible. NOW is the time to COMMIT TO CHRIST and begin to sow into your life and your future. Especially if you're called to be a wife and a mother.
The Bible simply states that God will not be mocked, you WILL reap whatever you may sow (Gal 6). If you sow the fruit of the spirit now, you will reap it in your marriage and in your children. If you sow the works of the flesh...well...there you go.
And let's not forget what they are...
19 The acts of the flesh are OBIVIOUS: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:19-21 NIV emphasis added)
I don't know about you, but I don't have time for this trash in my marriage or my household period. You must divorce yourself from the world's ideologies. Many of these things are NORMAL in your circles and maybe even in your life. I'm telling you now, get set free from it all. You have your eyes set on marriage or on some amazing man of God who you've already dubbed your 'future husband' and you are already sowing seeds of discord and jealousy and impurity that will surely work its way into that marriage you so desire.
And then you'll have the NERVE to turn around and say some mess like "I don't know how this is happening?! I thought I married a MAN OF GOD!"
NEWSFLASH: Who you married is not the issue; because everywhere you go THERE YOU ARE.
If you can't love the perfect man, Father of heaven and earth who made the stars and died and rose again for you, you will never muster up the power to love a man who will fail you constantly. If you learn to draw your love from Jesus, it can truly be unconditional.
Being a woman of God is truly seeking God with all you've got for no other reason that to get as much Jesus as possible! Yes there are things in life that draw us closer to God, but be careful to not desire anything or anyone more than you desire His glory.
LEARN while you can to submit to the perfect man so that when it comes time to submit to an amazing man that God places in your life it will be pure joy to serve Him because you've already found joy in serving your husband, Jesus.
I'm not married or even in a relationship, nor have I ever been. But I am fully devoted and the bride of Christ who gives all wisdom. You don't have to gain wisdom about marriage by going into one unprepared and learning from costly mistakes. Yes, you'll make mistakes, but make it easier on yourself. Read the Bible. It has EVERYTHING!!! Seriously.
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what in you needs to be weeded out so that you can become the wife and mother God wants you to be. That's whether you are single or married. Let Jesus search your heart and devote yourself to being a great wife to Jesus and when it is time He will bless you with one of His sons to love, serve and respect.
"The Bible says that, 'he that finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.' It does not say he who finds a girlfriend who he begins to date, who he then gives a ring, who he then proposes to and then gets married to. You're not a wife when I marry you - you're a wife when I find you. You become MY wife when I marry you. Wife is not a ring, it's the presence of a devoted heart. Wife is not a title, it's a statement of your character. If you want a husband, carry yourself like a wife, otherwise you'll have the spirit of girlfriend and little boys will play with you." -John Gray
Not a week ago I was having breakfast with who I call my mentor and she was telling me something very similar. She said that you become a wife before you ever get married. Being married doesn't make you a wife and you can become a great wife before you ever say I do.
But how do I become a wife without a husband? You ask. Easy. MARRY JESUS CHRIST! Too many women call themselves Christians but don't understand the values of being a Godly wife. But you want a Godly man? Who loves the Lord? Who treats you well? Who loves you like Christ loves the church? But you don't even carry yourself in holiness and honor?
You think you can submit to, respect and love unconditionally a fickle man on this earth when you aren't even fully devoted to God? Sorry, sister, that's not gonna work.
You need PRACTICE. Before you go on and ruin a marriage. You need to become as much like Christ as you possibly can, because all marriage is going to do is EXPOSE YOU in the areas you think you can hide. You think you can hide from your friends and family and church members. You think you can put on a half hearted facade that you are whole in Christ so that you can get you a man. I got news for you, honey, what's done in the dark WILL come to the light. You will not magically become this pure, pristine, faithful, submissive woman with a servant heart and hands that can cook on your wedding day. It's pretty impossible. NOW is the time to COMMIT TO CHRIST and begin to sow into your life and your future. Especially if you're called to be a wife and a mother.
The Bible simply states that God will not be mocked, you WILL reap whatever you may sow (Gal 6). If you sow the fruit of the spirit now, you will reap it in your marriage and in your children. If you sow the works of the flesh...well...there you go.
And let's not forget what they are...
19 The acts of the flesh are OBIVIOUS: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:19-21 NIV emphasis added)
I don't know about you, but I don't have time for this trash in my marriage or my household period. You must divorce yourself from the world's ideologies. Many of these things are NORMAL in your circles and maybe even in your life. I'm telling you now, get set free from it all. You have your eyes set on marriage or on some amazing man of God who you've already dubbed your 'future husband' and you are already sowing seeds of discord and jealousy and impurity that will surely work its way into that marriage you so desire.
And then you'll have the NERVE to turn around and say some mess like "I don't know how this is happening?! I thought I married a MAN OF GOD!"
NEWSFLASH: Who you married is not the issue; because everywhere you go THERE YOU ARE.
If you can't love the perfect man, Father of heaven and earth who made the stars and died and rose again for you, you will never muster up the power to love a man who will fail you constantly. If you learn to draw your love from Jesus, it can truly be unconditional.
Being a woman of God is truly seeking God with all you've got for no other reason that to get as much Jesus as possible! Yes there are things in life that draw us closer to God, but be careful to not desire anything or anyone more than you desire His glory.
LEARN while you can to submit to the perfect man so that when it comes time to submit to an amazing man that God places in your life it will be pure joy to serve Him because you've already found joy in serving your husband, Jesus.
I'm not married or even in a relationship, nor have I ever been. But I am fully devoted and the bride of Christ who gives all wisdom. You don't have to gain wisdom about marriage by going into one unprepared and learning from costly mistakes. Yes, you'll make mistakes, but make it easier on yourself. Read the Bible. It has EVERYTHING!!! Seriously.
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what in you needs to be weeded out so that you can become the wife and mother God wants you to be. That's whether you are single or married. Let Jesus search your heart and devote yourself to being a great wife to Jesus and when it is time He will bless you with one of His sons to love, serve and respect.
Monday, April 22, 2013
The Great Divorce, Pt 2
This is a song by Jimmy Needham that changed my perspective on idolatry. Take some time out of your day, get in a space where you can really listen to the Holy Spirit and listen to this song. Allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart. Crush the idols. They will suck you dry and leave you with nothing.
Be set free.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23, 24
Be set free.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23, 24
The Great Divorce
So, I've been going through this divorce, right.
But I didn't realize it until today
That this whole season God set out
To divorce my idols from me
My whole life when I would go through something I would escape into my own little world. I would run to my idols. Whether that be a fantasy world, a best friend, a man, sometimes even the house of God itself. I've made a life out of running to everything and everyone except the Lord. We've all done it. We all have our idols.
It all started in the Garden of Eden. See, you thought I'd say with the Israelites, but nope. We began to worship something other than God long before the golden calf. Idol worship is about more than statues and Buddha. An idol is ANYTHING you love more than God, go to more than God, prefer over God. An idol is anything or anyone you worship that is not Jesus Christ. But to understand that we must first understand what worship is.
Worship is not just about singing songs and lifting your hands and bowing to something. When you worship something you arrange your life around it, it becomes your priority above all else. Worship is an intense adoration of something or someone.
How do you identify if something is an idol? Usually the first sign that you've made something or someone an idol is denial. Lol. Whatever you idolize above Jesus, it's not going to be easy to admit it. ESPECIALLY if you're a Christian. I know it was hard for me to recognize that I was running to anything but Jesus. That I loved myself more than I loved Him. That I even loved and trusted His people more than I loved and trusted Him.
This is what Jimmy says: Anything I want with all my heart is an idol. Anything I put before my God is an idol. Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol. ANYTHING I give all my love is an idol.
What do you schedule your days around? What makes you a tad bit angry when the preacher speaks against it? What do you spend your time thinking about? When you zone out thinking what is circling in your brain? Are you thinking about the Maker of Heaven and earth? Or your boyfriend?
This is not to say that thinking about other things than God is a sin. This is to get you to look at what you may idolize.
I have had a ROUGH time since September of last year. And it just dawned on me this morning that I've had a rough time because I'm going through a divorce! God has had to take me through this mire to divorce me from all of my own devices. He says no more. No more will I lean on my own understanding, because I don't understand anything! I DON'T KNOW NOTHING! But He knows it all. And He longs to share His heart with me. I have learned that nothing I conjure up is going to work. Nothing I try to do or say or maneuver is going to get me the money I need, the car I need, the man I need. Nothing.
We MUST learn to not lean on our own understanding! Then and only then will our paths be made straight. That's in the Bible.
I beg of you, for your own sake, GET DIVORCED! Leave those idols in the dust where they came from and give ALL of your worship to the one true God who NEVER fails.
5 “With whom will you compare me or count me equal?
To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?
6 Some pour out gold from their bags
and weigh out silver on the scales;
they hire a goldsmith to make it into a god,
and they bow down and worship it.
7 They lift it to their shoulders and carry it;
they set it up in its place, and there it stands.
From that spot IT CANNOT MOVE.
Even though someone cries out to it, IT CANNOT ANSWER;
IT CANNOT SAVE THEM FROM THEIR TROUBLES Isaiah 46:5-7
But I didn't realize it until today
That this whole season God set out
To divorce my idols from me
My whole life when I would go through something I would escape into my own little world. I would run to my idols. Whether that be a fantasy world, a best friend, a man, sometimes even the house of God itself. I've made a life out of running to everything and everyone except the Lord. We've all done it. We all have our idols.
It all started in the Garden of Eden. See, you thought I'd say with the Israelites, but nope. We began to worship something other than God long before the golden calf. Idol worship is about more than statues and Buddha. An idol is ANYTHING you love more than God, go to more than God, prefer over God. An idol is anything or anyone you worship that is not Jesus Christ. But to understand that we must first understand what worship is.
Worship is not just about singing songs and lifting your hands and bowing to something. When you worship something you arrange your life around it, it becomes your priority above all else. Worship is an intense adoration of something or someone.
How do you identify if something is an idol? Usually the first sign that you've made something or someone an idol is denial. Lol. Whatever you idolize above Jesus, it's not going to be easy to admit it. ESPECIALLY if you're a Christian. I know it was hard for me to recognize that I was running to anything but Jesus. That I loved myself more than I loved Him. That I even loved and trusted His people more than I loved and trusted Him.
This is what Jimmy says: Anything I want with all my heart is an idol. Anything I put before my God is an idol. Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol. ANYTHING I give all my love is an idol.
What do you schedule your days around? What makes you a tad bit angry when the preacher speaks against it? What do you spend your time thinking about? When you zone out thinking what is circling in your brain? Are you thinking about the Maker of Heaven and earth? Or your boyfriend?
This is not to say that thinking about other things than God is a sin. This is to get you to look at what you may idolize.
I have had a ROUGH time since September of last year. And it just dawned on me this morning that I've had a rough time because I'm going through a divorce! God has had to take me through this mire to divorce me from all of my own devices. He says no more. No more will I lean on my own understanding, because I don't understand anything! I DON'T KNOW NOTHING! But He knows it all. And He longs to share His heart with me. I have learned that nothing I conjure up is going to work. Nothing I try to do or say or maneuver is going to get me the money I need, the car I need, the man I need. Nothing.
We MUST learn to not lean on our own understanding! Then and only then will our paths be made straight. That's in the Bible.
I beg of you, for your own sake, GET DIVORCED! Leave those idols in the dust where they came from and give ALL of your worship to the one true God who NEVER fails.
5 “With whom will you compare me or count me equal?
To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?
6 Some pour out gold from their bags
and weigh out silver on the scales;
they hire a goldsmith to make it into a god,
and they bow down and worship it.
7 They lift it to their shoulders and carry it;
they set it up in its place, and there it stands.
From that spot IT CANNOT MOVE.
Even though someone cries out to it, IT CANNOT ANSWER;
IT CANNOT SAVE THEM FROM THEIR TROUBLES Isaiah 46:5-7
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Recovering Sex Addict
I was exposed to sex at a very early age and began to have an active fantasy life around the third grade. I reasoned from an early age that if boys didn't like me, then I would just pretend that they did. And if boys didn't want me then I could slip into a fantasy world where they desired me. So that's what I did faithfully for twelve years and what I still fight against this very day.
I had a secret life. As soon as I was out of sight, or sometimes just out of hearing range, I would drift into my fantasy world. They ranged from imagining I had someone to cuddle with to erotic fantasies and masturbation, thought those shackles didn't come until I was around 15. First introduced to the idea by an older neighbor girl, I was chained to a world that I could control. When I hated myself, I could be someone else. When I wanted someone, they could become mine all in a world of make believe. Like an x-rated game of imaginary friends. I was addicted. I was dependent upon it. It was my life.
When I started to walk with God seriously and consistently, I just got saved in m fantasy world too. Instead of random people, I would fantasize about my future husband. It wasn't until then that I saw how erotic fantasies began to tear me away from God. I tried to stop. And often times I was too busy to fantasize once I began doing ministry, but I just couldn't shake free. It was a demonic stronghold. What finally set me free in 2010 was my confession to my two best friends. It was hard. It sucked. But I knew I was free for the first time in over a decade, which was well over half my life at the age of twenty.
Once I went back to school, I was too busy to even know if my life had really changed. I was free and managed to keep myself out of compromising situations. Time went on and I struggled mostly when I would visit home. I fell a lot. I knew I was free, but my mind had not changed. I had the power to say no, but didn't have the mind to. I didn't trust God with my life. I still wanted control. And the only place I could have control was there. So that's where I went. It became my escape. I would run there when things were bad. What I had been set free from I let back in.
As time went on I would dabble in it, but I did what I could to stay pure for the most part. I didn't have a lot of alone time anymore, so that helped. I went to another school for a semester, then back to the university I was originally at. This was the roughest season I'd had concerning my issues with sexual purity. Lust was running rapid on this campus and I was overtaken as an unsuspecting victim. I was swallowed whole by my fleshly desires like I had not been since before Christ. I was a hypocrite. While in real life I was discipling women and leading an intercessory prayer meeting every week, I was being defeated every single night in my bedroom. It was an awful and draining double life.
I would have victorious weeks. And during one of my times of victory I attended an anonymous group for women who struggled with sexual sin. Being that it was during my high time, I was kind of a damper on the party. I was the one who kept saying, "But Jesus can free you!" Which is what these women knew and what I knew. The meeting was interesting, we studied scriptures, talked about our struggles, and confessed our wrongs. But the other women were in the midst of their sin whereas I was walking in freedom at the time.
I took home the study guide as a gift and once I was home I began to peddle through it. I felt this identity creep up on me as I searched for the root of my issue so that it wouldn't come back. Instead of focusing on God, I began to focus on my sin. Upon taking a couple of questionnaires I discovered I was a sex addict. And this is how I began to identify myself. This became who I was. I was no longer a child of Christ, but an addict who would never be healed, only recovering.
When I began to identify myself by my sin, I saw no light at the end of the tunnel and fighting was useless. For a couple of weeks I couldn't see past the darkness of who I thought I really was. Until God broke through and said this is not who you are. You are free, new, clean and pure. Not until I allowed God to reveal to me my true identity could I truly learn to say no to sexual sin.
All of that to say, WE MUST NO LONGER REGARD PEOPLE AS IN THE FLESH! We must begin to see people as Christ sees them. When Jesus healed the sick and lame he had vision of who they really were and could therefore restore them to that. If we continue to play along with the enemy who has made the sin of this generation the core of who they are we will never see freedom. Freedom is about what Christ set us free to, not what He set us free from. If we focus on what we need to be free from we will only sink deeper.
ONCE WE KNOW WHO WE ARE IN CHRIST A LIFESTYLE OF SIN WILL BE UNACCEPTABLE TO US.
I have never seen anyone, including myself, get set free by focusing on not sinning. But I have seen many become free and begin to walk in freedom and victory by regarding themselves the way Christ does. When I am tempted I remember that is not who I am and I trust God with my life. No, I am not a 'recovering' sex addict. I am a child of the living God who is PURE. Yes, sex addiction is something I have to say no to everyday, but that does NOT define me NOR identify me. I am PURE. And when I stand on the truth of God's word it tells me I am free because the Son has set me free.
So whatever you are struggling with, I plead with you to focus on the cross. Know who you are in Christ and saying no will become easier and easier.
Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer. Therefore if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:16, 17
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36
In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to Him as instruments of righteousness. Romans 6:11-13
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Set Free: Rejection
I've been rejected a lot in life. As I've said in previous posts, I was hurt a lot in the area of rejection growing up. I was always throwing myself at some boy and getting rejected. Or chasing some friendship and getting turned away and left out. From the 6th grade to the 11th grade, I never had any real consistent friends. All my friends from elementary who weren't rejected by the boys in school were wrapped up in relationships, started having sex and the like. While I was alone. Starving for attention and identity after my dad left. I so wanted just a friend. Who loved me more than themselves. Sure, I had people, but I was always alone on the band bus while everyone else was coupled up. I remember sitting alone at the back and seeing someone make out who I didn't even know was a couple and not having anyone to tell the news to. It was heartbreaking.
Every boy that I had liked since the age of three didn't like me back. Maybe one, when I was in the first grade, but that was it. And I couldn't understand why.. I was 15 and I just couldn't understand what was so wrong with me that no one even wanted to give me a chance. It wasn't that I dated and got dumped over and over. I mean they wouldn't even give me a chance to love them. So much worse than experiencing my love then rejecting it. It was like I wasn't even worth the experience. I wasn't worth being given a chance.
To this day, I still don't understand it. How can you reject someone you don't even know?
Then I remembered, Jesus was rejected. By people who didn't even know Him. And He still is.
When I came to Christ I left most of my past where it was, in the past. That was the old me. I'm made new and nothing in my past matters.
I had even come to believe that all the rejection I experienced was God's will to protect me from potientially detrimental relationships that would destroy my purity that God wanted to preserve.
So naturally, I never was healed from the rejection and never thought I needed to be. I thought it was just wiped away. Until I began to notice it was blurring my vision. I was so terrified that my future husband wouldn't really want me. That he would just have to be with me because God said so. Then I was convinced he would never come for me. I was so crippled by rejection that I stayed in a way to close friendship with a guy friend hoping that God would open his eyes to me as a wife knowing he wasn't God's best for me. I KNEW IT. But I was convinced he was the best I could get. And I couldn't even confront him about the nature of our friendship because fear of rejection crippled me. Every step I took was out of fear and not faith. I lurked, waiting for the inevitable rejection. But the Holy Spirit would not allow it to be my verdict. Not until I was set free was I able to cut off that relationship.
Some of you are in the same situation I was in. Until you are set free you will continue to stay in relationships and friendships that you shouldn't be in out of fear and not out of faith.
AND WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD.
AND ANYTHING THAT IS NOT FROM FAITH IS SIN.
I didn't have faith that this guy was my future husband. None. I had FEAR that if it wasn't him, it couldn't be anyone else. I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE HIM. I couldn't name five things that I liked about him in that way. He was NOTHING I wanted in a husband. An amazing friend and brother he was and still is to me, but other than that. Nothing. But I was willing to settle out of fear.
One night our youth pastor preached at our college meeting that I regularly attend and serve in. He preached on relationships. The best sermon on relationships I've heard in a long while. Rocked us all. And he talked about rejection and purity briefly, but not too long. I knew I needed to draw lines with this guy and God told me I could talk to him as long as it was out of faith and not out of fear. After the sermon I knew I needed prayer over the rejection I was fearing.
He explained to me that those wounds were on my spirit and God wanted to heal them. And we prayed and I was set free instantly. The demons that harassed me constantly, consistently, fled at the name of Jesus. They no longer whispered lies about myself worth in my ear. I was free. And three days later God freed me from that friendship and I barely cried a tear! The heartbreak that I so anxiously awaited and tried to avoid, didn't really hurt that bad.
I knew what I was worth the whole time. I was just convinced that no one else did and they needed to see that. Once I was set free I could actually see with the eyes of Christ how many people, brothers and sisters, knew what I was worth the whole time! I was just blind to it.
God is so faithful and so perfect. And He desires for us all to live in freedom just like Eden. So I pray that God shows you what you're worth to Him. And I pray that you will move in faith and declare freedom over rejection. Go to the one who was rejected more than all of us. He knows your pain. And He knows how to heal you.
Every boy that I had liked since the age of three didn't like me back. Maybe one, when I was in the first grade, but that was it. And I couldn't understand why.. I was 15 and I just couldn't understand what was so wrong with me that no one even wanted to give me a chance. It wasn't that I dated and got dumped over and over. I mean they wouldn't even give me a chance to love them. So much worse than experiencing my love then rejecting it. It was like I wasn't even worth the experience. I wasn't worth being given a chance.
To this day, I still don't understand it. How can you reject someone you don't even know?
Then I remembered, Jesus was rejected. By people who didn't even know Him. And He still is.
When I came to Christ I left most of my past where it was, in the past. That was the old me. I'm made new and nothing in my past matters.
I had even come to believe that all the rejection I experienced was God's will to protect me from potientially detrimental relationships that would destroy my purity that God wanted to preserve.
So naturally, I never was healed from the rejection and never thought I needed to be. I thought it was just wiped away. Until I began to notice it was blurring my vision. I was so terrified that my future husband wouldn't really want me. That he would just have to be with me because God said so. Then I was convinced he would never come for me. I was so crippled by rejection that I stayed in a way to close friendship with a guy friend hoping that God would open his eyes to me as a wife knowing he wasn't God's best for me. I KNEW IT. But I was convinced he was the best I could get. And I couldn't even confront him about the nature of our friendship because fear of rejection crippled me. Every step I took was out of fear and not faith. I lurked, waiting for the inevitable rejection. But the Holy Spirit would not allow it to be my verdict. Not until I was set free was I able to cut off that relationship.
Some of you are in the same situation I was in. Until you are set free you will continue to stay in relationships and friendships that you shouldn't be in out of fear and not out of faith.
AND WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD.
AND ANYTHING THAT IS NOT FROM FAITH IS SIN.
I didn't have faith that this guy was my future husband. None. I had FEAR that if it wasn't him, it couldn't be anyone else. I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE HIM. I couldn't name five things that I liked about him in that way. He was NOTHING I wanted in a husband. An amazing friend and brother he was and still is to me, but other than that. Nothing. But I was willing to settle out of fear.
One night our youth pastor preached at our college meeting that I regularly attend and serve in. He preached on relationships. The best sermon on relationships I've heard in a long while. Rocked us all. And he talked about rejection and purity briefly, but not too long. I knew I needed to draw lines with this guy and God told me I could talk to him as long as it was out of faith and not out of fear. After the sermon I knew I needed prayer over the rejection I was fearing.
He explained to me that those wounds were on my spirit and God wanted to heal them. And we prayed and I was set free instantly. The demons that harassed me constantly, consistently, fled at the name of Jesus. They no longer whispered lies about myself worth in my ear. I was free. And three days later God freed me from that friendship and I barely cried a tear! The heartbreak that I so anxiously awaited and tried to avoid, didn't really hurt that bad.
I knew what I was worth the whole time. I was just convinced that no one else did and they needed to see that. Once I was set free I could actually see with the eyes of Christ how many people, brothers and sisters, knew what I was worth the whole time! I was just blind to it.
God is so faithful and so perfect. And He desires for us all to live in freedom just like Eden. So I pray that God shows you what you're worth to Him. And I pray that you will move in faith and declare freedom over rejection. Go to the one who was rejected more than all of us. He knows your pain. And He knows how to heal you.
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