The Spirit of Unforgiveness: An Urgent Message

If you received Heather Lindsey's email last night then you heard the urgency in her voice as she warned us to stay alert against the attacks of the enemy. I felt the same urgency to let you sweet ladies know about the seriousness of unforgiveness.

Unforgiveness is an open door to let Satan and his minions do work in you. I've seen more than one person under demonic oppression because of the root of unforgiveness. And let me tell you it ain't worth it!

You walk around on your high horse thinking you DESERVE to be bitter and you DESERVE to have this attitude and they DO NOT deserve your forgiveness. You justify it because of the horror of whatever happened to you. And most of you are right, it was horrible, some of you just need to MOVE ON but WE ALL NEED TO FORGIVE. You know why?

Because God says in His word that if we don't forgive then our Father in heaven will not forgive us.

Matthew 6:14,15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive you your sins.

That's pretty intense, huh, sis? Think about that. You don't want to forgive that person but you beg God for forgiveness daily? How can you worship God with a pure heart when you have the ugliness of unforgiveness and bitterness inside it?

Also in Colossians the Bible says we should forgive as our Heavenly Father has forgiven us. Isn't that what this is about? Becoming like Jesus? Jesus forgave. When people he loved hung him on the cross to die for their sins, he forgave.

Jesus died not only for the sins you commit but for the sins committed against you. They have already been paid for. Jesus took them on the cross. So, forgive. Release them.

Isaiah 53:4-6

Surely He took up OUR pain and bore OUR suffering, yet WE considered Him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted. 

But He was pierced for OUR transgressions, He was crushed for OUR iniquities; the punishment that brought US peace was on Him, and by His wounds WE are healed.

WE ALL, like sheep, have gone astray, EACH OF US has turned to OUR own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us ALL.

My pastor said unforgiveness is like keeping someone in a cage and every now and then you take them out, beat them up, and put them back. But who is really in bondage here? The person who wronged you who is living their life or you who can’t move on because of your bitterness and anger?

Understand something, just because you forgive doesn’t mean what happened to you was ok. Because it probably wasn’t. That’s the fallen nature of man, the result of sin. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it’s for you. YOU are the one in bondage. YOU are the one who isn’t being forgiven by Jesus because of the unforgiveness in your heart.

I feel like for some of you, once you forgive your anointing will be released. You’ve been praying and praying that God will show you your purpose, that He would give you direction for your future, but you cannot see clearly what amazing plans God has for you because of the way you have let unforgiveness rule your life and harden your heart. GET IT TOGETHER.

YOU ARE FORFITTING GOD’S PERFECT WILL FOR YOUR LIFE DUE TO UNFORGIVENESS. Now tell me again how you’re justified in your bitterness. Explain to me exactly how it is benefitting you to preserve your own life. The Word of God says if you seek to save your own life YOU WILL LOSE IT. And that’s what’s happening, sister. Unforgiveness is sucking the LIFE out of you and you are letting it.

Say it with me, LET IT GO.

Once you forgive you can finally receive healing from the Holy Spirit over the hurt that you have experienced. Forgiveness is only a part of the process, but it is the most vital part. You cannot be healed from your pain until you choose to forgive the people who caused it.

Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. It is urgent. It is vital. Do not let another sunset pass before you lay your unforgiveness at the feet of Jesus.

Mother Hen

I have always loved kids. My whole life. I would always have somebody’s child on my hip as soon as I was big enough to carry one. My grandma always said I would end up with my own child on my hip as much as I had other people’s. It’s ingrained in us from birth to love, nurture and mother everyone we can. It’s a girl thing.

Being a mother is taught to us before we even speak! I don’t know any little girl who hasn’t owned at least one baby doll. I see my little friends as young as two carrying them around, some baby dolls bald and with no clothes, some dressed like princesses. There’s something in us from the beginning that longs to nurture and give love like only we can.

Unfortunately, for some of us, that desire has been thwarted or killed. Maybe when we were young. Maybe when we found out that our mothers weren’t all we thought they would be. Maybe when we offered our motherhood or our protection and it was rejected. Maybe when we were bombarded prematurely with too many motherly duties.

Maybe when we had our first abortion. Or second. Or third.

Somewhere along the way we lost it. Our desire to mother was wounded in battle.

Out of shame, out of angst or out of revenge, we have buried what is uniquely ours under years of rejection and pain.

So no wonder why when God calls us to disciple other women we shrink back. In light of this it makes total sense that it seemingly goes completely against our nature to have women over to our house for coffee and the Word. No wonder we can’t spend a good hour in a home full of women. No wonder it seems like the cat has our tongue when we are led to share wisdom with younger women. And it’s beginning to make sense that when all a young woman needs to do is cry on your shoulder you’d rather hide in a corner in the fetal position. (I think that last one was mostly me.)

Our motherhood has been wounded. The very thing that only we can do, the enemy has stolen from us and turned it into something marred and down right scary!

Not all of us are mothers, but we are all daughters, and we are all called to bear spiritual children. Some of us are called to bear spiritual children long before we bear natural children, but we are halted. We are frozen in fear at even the thought. Maybe you have natural children and you feel as if you’ve failed at that. Maybe you have been wounded by women and can’t stand to be in a room with more than three of them. Maybe the last time you led a group of women it went terribly wrong.

But whatever the case, God desires to heal you and to empower you to rise up as the spiritual mother that you are.

When Peter is talking to women about being modest he says something very interesting. He ends the passage that offends a lot of women with, “like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and DO NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR.”

Don’t be afraid. Don’t be afraid to protect God’s sheep. Don’t be afraid to jump into Mom Mode and pull your daughter’s out of the line of fire. PROTECT.

protect |prəˈtekt|

verb [ trans. ]

keep safe from harm or injury : he tried to protect Kelly from the attack

Don’t be afraid to protect even the women in your influence that intimidates you. Stick out your neck on someone else’s behalf for once. Awaken the fierce risk of protecting the ones you love no matter the cost. Sounds like someone we know. Maybe Jesus? Think about it.

Don’t be afraid to LOVE. Whew. I can’t elaborate on this enough! Why are you so fearful? Why are you so scared to offer your love and your heart to other women? Maybe because you did once and you were viciously betrayed. We women can be vicious, vindictive and down right MEAN. But, beloved, it’s time.

It’s time to forgive. It’s time to let go. Because LOVE holds no record of wrongs. You have to STOP writing off every woman you meet because of hurts from the past. It is crippling you. You think you are just protecting yourself. You think you are free because you “guard your heart” from being hurt, but no ma’am. You are not free. You are walking in chains. You will never be who God has called you to be as long as you reject every female you meet thinking you rejected them before they rejected you.

LIG. LET IT GO.

You’re in the BODY of Christ now! Not to say you will never get hurt again. But to say it is different. Because now you have Jesus who can heal you and take the punches. He died for their sins too. Jesus already died for that offense, for that backstabbing, for that shame. How can you fulfill the scriptures by discipling women if you can’t stand to be around them?! So what?! What are you going to do?! Disciple men?! HAH. Right. Great plan…NOT.

Don’t give way to fear. Love them. Love like Jesus does everyday. And remember 1 Corinthians 13. Step by step instructions on how to love with actions.

A leader told me this once. “The secret to loving and never getting hurt is to love with no expectations of getting it returned.”

Don’t love to be loved. Love because He first loved us.

And lastly, don’t be afraid to NURTURE. This one is hard for me. I’m extremely awkward in nurturing situations. I’m getting better, by God’s grace, but by no means am I THERE. If a girl starts crying, I’m out. Peace. I don’t know what to do so I want to hide.

But God says stop that. Offer yourself in tender care, loving with great mercy and gentleness. Let Jesus teach you to be soft, nurturing and to act with loving-kindness. He made of all those things, He IS all of those things. So, let’s learn together. Let’s learn how to give the truth in LOVE and with GENTLENESS.

nurture |ˈnər ch ər|

verb [ trans. ]

care for and encourage the growth or development of : figurative my father nurtured my love of art.

• cherish (a hope, belief, or ambition) : for a long time she had nurtured the dream of buying a shop

Care for the women in your life. Encourage their growth in Christ and do what you can to develop them in Christ Jesus. Look at Paul’s letters. See how he wrote to Timothy, his disciple. Pray the same things over the women you are called to pour into. INVEST in them. Invest your time, your money, your creativity, and your book collection, your WISDOM. Whatever you have, don’t be afraid to give. It goes a long way with someone who has never experienced Christ’s love.

Sit with Jesus. Ask Him to reveal to you the women He has appointed for you to pour into and lead in the ways of Him. Ask Him to reveal to you your hurts, aches and pains and invite Him there to heal your wounds. He’s show up. He WILL come for you.

And then, DO IT!!! Be the powerhouse MOTHER God has called you to be! Be the mother hen and protect, love and nurture your babies into beautiful women who will do the same.

Just so you know, I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Thanks for reading my blog. God is totally faithful. And I pray that the wisdom He has given me will help somebody somewhere!

If you have any needs or prayer requests here is my email: ventura.ivory@gmail.com

The "E" Word

evangelism |iˈvanjəˌlizəm|nounthe spreading of the Christian gospel by public preaching or personal witness.• zealous advocacy of a cause.

You may or may not have heard this word often. You may have heard it from a pulpit or from across a table. You may have heard it on the street. I first heard this word on the college campus in a ministry meeting and for me this is a word that came with so much PRESSURE.

I've always been pumped about Jesus. Since the day I came to know Him, and especially since the day I was filled with the Holy Spirit, I've been advocating Him everywhere that I go. People must know that Jesus is the answer. After trying any and everything, I finally turned away from my sins and to the face of Jesus who was relentlessly pursuing me. And when my friends would come to me with their life issues, sometimes only when I was out of answers, but I would always lead them to Jesus. More boldly in recent years, but I always knew He was The Way. In the depths of me I knew and I needed to share.

However, I NEVER considered myself an "evangelist". I quickly learned that "evangelists" were those who were particularly zealous about telling everyone they meet about Jesus no matter where they are, what they are doing, or whose time they are on. I soon learned among the Christian circle that there are even TYPES of evangelists! I KNOW! News to me, too! There's street evangelists, campus evangelists, revival evangelists and I'm sure I'm missing several of them.

Most "evangelists" I knew were very LOUD, VERY long-winded, pretty arrogant, SUPER INTENSE people-people, kind of bossy, not very gentle, very good manipulators and not very detailed or empathetic. Therefore, when I felt like the Lord was drawing on my heart at a conference to rise up as an evangelist, you can imagine my hesitation, confusion and withdrawal.

I knew that if this is something that is the core of me God would have to do some serious renewing of my mind on the heavy weight that the title carried.

Not to mention, I always felt horrible because when we would go on these evangelism trips or have appointed times to go out two by two to preach on campus, I failed horribly at it. I crumbled under the pressure. It was so unnatural to me to be sort of forced to go out and preach to gospel to at least seven people. It STRESSED ME OUT.

But God has taught me some things over the past year.

Firstly, everyone would always say to me, "We're all evangelists!!! We are all called to share Jesus!" Now, it is true that we are all called to share Jesus. But it's a bit of a stretch to say we are all evangelists. The Bible speaks specifically of the five offices in a healthy church. (And He gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds ad the teachers to equip the saints for the work of the ministry, for building up the body of Christ," Ephesians 4:11, 12) So we see here that though God has called us all to share Jesus, He has appointed some to hold the office, responsibility and high honor of equipping us to do so.

While I believe among us all there are plenty who carry a desire and a gift in any of these five areas, God has appointed some of us with a special grace to not only be these things, but to equip and train those who have strengths in these areas.

God broke this down to me, that we are all to share Jesus, but it comes more naturally to some of us and to those of us it is easier for, we should be evangelizing in conjunction with helping those who struggle with the pressure.

So, if it's hard for you to go out to your local Walmart and preach the gospel to strangers on the chip aisle, by all means realize that this is not the only way to share Jesus. Also realize that if God speaks to you to do something of that nature, trust Him, and take an evangelist with you! That's what the BODY is for! Lean and depend on one another. But do not feel condemned that brother so and so thrives in daring situations like leading someone to Christ on a roller coaster at your local theme park and you stumble over your words talking to an unbelieving coworker. Be you and share the love of Christ the way that God has called you to.

Secondly, God just broke the chains that were associated with the word evangelize. First He said to me, "Darling, it doesn't have to be so formal." Meaning, I don't have to gear up, put on a tool belt with my evangelism tools in it, go out and lay down Romans road to every person I meet. God has moved on my heart to live life with people and to understand that He fits in! Jesus made the whole world and all the people who are in it, so we don't have to feel awkward for bringing Him into the conversation. HE IS THE CONVERSATION! Be you. There will be challenges. But don't stray from being exactly who God made you to be and sharing His love and His truth according to the guidance of His Holy Spirit within you. Reach your Judea, the place and the people who are in your realm of influence.

Then he showed me that evangelism is no more than sharing  Him with the people in my life. That's why you read me saying "share Jesus" more often than saying "evangelize" because that word has a negative connotation now a days. Spread the good news, man. Make disciples. It's not something to stress about. Be free of the pressure to record numbers and conversations and file reports. Just be you, let your light shine, and like a moth to a flame Jesus will draw them. It's in His word. Lift me up and I will draw all men!

And though some people thrive doing evangelism on the streets to the homeless, and some people have a heart to share Jesus on college campuses, the Lord did not deem these in the scripture as different types of evangelists. We are called to make disciples of all nations, no matter who, what, when, where or how. I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone some and see what the good Lord does.

Lastly, HAVE COURAGE.
We are not of those who shrink back. The righteous are as bold as lions. We often don't shrink back from loving people, as long as it's mushy love and not real biblical love, but it is important not to shrink back from sharing the truth as well. Not only in word but in deed. Don't shrink back from having integrity and have courage when faced when temptation. It goes a long, long way.

courage |ˈkərij; ˈkə-rij|nounthe ability to do something that frightens one : she called on all her courage to face the ordeal.• strength in the face of pain or grief : he fought his illness with great courage.

FEARLESS

God spoke to me at a healing conference. During a session a lady said to ask God what we would do for fun together. And I thought of all the things other people might choose. I thought of things that would be fun to other people but wouldn't be so fun to me. One image was of my riding a roller coaster. HAH! If you know me you KNOW I don't do roller coasters. I'm not the one. So I asked God why did that image come to mind. He said to me, "Ventura, I want to make you FEARLESS."

I was like. Oooookay??

Since then I've been talking with God about what that consists of. I consider myself pretty...bold...already. But there are definitely fears that I have been holding onto with a tight grip. I DEFINITELY fear roller coasters. Lol. For sure. I've learned some things about fear in my 23 years.

Firstly, fear will EXPOSE you.

The summer I turned 20 I worked at a Christian athletic camp called Kids Across America. (KAA, U KNOW!) It was totally a wilderness for me because I am not athletic. One day our boss surprised us with a trip to the zip-line. My co was SO excited because we never really got to do much as office girls. I was indifferent and felt loved by the surprise, but not about zip-lining itself. But I harnessed up and walked up the stairs like I just do stuff like this all the time. Smh. I was ignorant and in for a rude awakening.

There's a rule that when you go up the only way down is by zip-lining to the other end. Now, the zipping across wasn't my issue. My issue was jumping. I mean who willingly jumps off the edge of anything 30 or 40 feet in the air? What kind of sense does that make? Oh what'd you do today? I jumped off a cliff! NOT THIS WOMAN. HECK NO!

I WAS NOT HAVING IT. I acted a FOOL! I kicked and screamed like a 7 year old girl. I was NOT about that life. I literally screamed and cried and begged and pleaded and pouted. I showed my BUTT! Lol. I just acted crazy. In the presence of my fear I threw out all inhibitions. I didn't care what anyone thought as long as I didn't have to jump.

Long story short, they pushed me off.

It's funny now because a week later I did it again. I thought to myself, "Really, V? This is how you die? In a zip-lining accident in Golden, Missouri at the age of 20?" Once I thought out my fears to the logical conclusion, I enjoyed it more because I knew Jesus was in my boat.

Have I taken such a fearless leap since? Hmmm...no.

However, the more I begin to conquer my natural fears I know that when I am tempted to fear in the path God has called me to how to react with faith.

This song is amazing. It reminds me that God wants to make me fearless. It reminds me that I don't have to fear failure not because I won't fail but because even when I do God does not. I am His and He is mine therefore failure isn't that bad of an option.

When I am weak, He is strong. When I am strong, He is strong. And when I take my fears to Jesus, He exchanges them with a greater measure of faith.

So now I can say, though it's scary, Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.

God did not give me a spirit of fear.

There's a similar story in the gospels of a storm that was brewing as the disciples were traveling by boat. As the waves tossed them from side to side Jesus was taking a good ole nap on a soft pillow below the deck. The disciples run in frantic and immediately question His motives. "Teacher, do you not even CARE that we're all about to DIE??!!!" Oh, we are so dramatic, aren't we?

Jesus responds to them with a question as well. "Why are you so fearful?"

So I ask you, are you ready? Can you ask God to take you where your feet may fail so that He will increase your faith? Are you ready to embrace the trials, the storms of life? Are you ready to embrace the victories of life that come during the storms? Or will someone have to push you into the storms kicking and screaming and begging to get out?

REMEMBER WHO IS IN YOUR BOAT!!! Also note that most of our fears are completely illogical. Pastor Chuck said it takes more faith to believe our fears than to believe God. We are over here wondering why God isn't delivering us from the turmoil of the trials that are promised to come and Jesus is fast asleep in the boat wondering why we don't have faith.

Take some time this week and write out all of your fears. Seriously. Write them down. And then draw them out to their logical conclusion. Then ask God to reveal Himself in your fear and you'll see that He is there. He always is. And if Jesus is in the boat, chances are you aren't all going to die.

LOGICALLY if God CALLED you to do something, move somewhere, ride a roller coaster, work at a certain place, do a certain thing, then He will be there! God will not lead you to drown and die, but He might lead you where you feel like you might. But just in the nick of time. WHEW!!! Won't He do it? Hasn't He always come through? He's never failed and He won't start now.

LISTEN TO THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!! 12 times!!!!! Read the lyrics!!!! Let God minister to you through His Holy Spirit!

I will call upon Your name, keep my eyes above the waves when oceans rise, my soul will rest in your embrace for I am YOURS AND YOU ARE MINE!!!!

Wifey Material

Today I saw this quote on Instagram.

"The Bible says that, 'he that finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.' It does not say he who finds a girlfriend who he begins to date, who he then gives a ring, who he then proposes to and then gets married to. You're not a wife when I marry you - you're a wife when I find you. You become MY wife when I marry you. Wife is not a ring, it's the presence of a devoted heart. Wife is not a title, it's a statement of your character. If you want a husband, carry yourself like a wife, otherwise you'll have the spirit of girlfriend and little boys will play with you." -John Gray

Not a week ago I was having breakfast with who I call my mentor and she was telling me something very similar. She said that you become a wife before you ever get married. Being married doesn't make you a wife and you can become a great wife before you ever say I do.

But how do I become a wife without a husband? You ask. Easy. MARRY JESUS CHRIST! Too many women call themselves Christians but don't understand the values of being a Godly wife. But you want a Godly man? Who loves the Lord? Who treats you well? Who loves you like Christ loves the church? But you don't even carry yourself in holiness and honor? 

You think you can submit to, respect and love unconditionally a fickle man on this earth when you aren't even fully devoted to God? Sorry, sister, that's not gonna work.

You need PRACTICE. Before you go on and ruin a marriage. You need to become as much like Christ as you possibly can, because all marriage is going to do is EXPOSE YOU in the areas you think you can hide. You think you can hide from your friends and family and church members. You think you can put on a half hearted facade that you are whole in Christ so that you can get you a man. I got news for you, honey, what's done in the dark WILL come to the light. You will not magically become this pure, pristine, faithful, submissive woman with a servant heart and hands that can cook on your wedding day. It's pretty impossible. NOW is the time to COMMIT TO CHRIST and begin to sow into your life and your future. Especially if you're called to be a wife and a mother.

The Bible simply states that God will not be mocked, you WILL reap whatever you may sow (Gal 6). If you sow the fruit of the spirit now, you will reap it in your marriage and in your children. If you sow the works of the flesh...well...there you go.

And let's not forget what they are...

¹⁹ The acts of the flesh are OBIVIOUS: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; ²⁰ idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions²¹ and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. (Galatians 5:19-21 NIV emphasis added)

I don't know about you, but I don't have time for this trash in my marriage or my household period. You must divorce yourself from the world's ideologies. Many of these things are NORMAL in your circles and maybe even in your life. I'm telling you now, get set free from it all. You have your eyes set on marriage or on some amazing man of God who you've already dubbed your 'future husband' and you are already sowing seeds of discord and jealousy and impurity that will surely work its way into that marriage you so desire. 

And then you'll have the NERVE to turn around and say some mess like "I don't know how this is happening?! I thought I married a MAN OF GOD!" 

NEWSFLASH: Who you married is not the issue; because everywhere you go THERE YOU ARE.

If you can't love the perfect man, Father of heaven and earth who made the stars and died and rose again for you, you will never muster up the power to love a man who will fail you constantly. If you learn to draw your love from Jesus, it can truly be unconditional.

Being a woman of God is truly seeking God with all you've got for no other reason that to get as much Jesus as possible! Yes there are things in life that draw us closer to God, but be careful to not desire anything or anyone more than you desire His glory. 

LEARN while you can to submit to the perfect man so that when it comes time to submit to an amazing man that God places in your life it will be pure joy to serve Him because you've already found joy in serving your husband, Jesus.

I'm not married or even in a relationship, nor have I ever been. But I am fully devoted and the bride of Christ who gives all wisdom. You don't have to gain wisdom about marriage by going into one unprepared and learning from costly mistakes. Yes, you'll make mistakes, but make it easier on yourself. Read the Bible. It has EVERYTHING!!! Seriously.

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you what in you needs to be weeded out so that you can become the wife and mother God wants you to be. That's whether you are single or married. Let Jesus search your heart and devote yourself to being a great wife to Jesus and when it is time He will bless you with one of His sons to love, serve and respect.

The Great Divorce, Pt 2

This is a song by Jimmy Needham that changed my perspective on idolatry. Take some time out of your day, get in a space where you can really listen to the Holy Spirit and listen to this song. Allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart. Crush the idols. They will suck you dry and leave you with nothing.

Be set free.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23, 24

The Great Divorce

So, I've been going through this divorce, right.
But I didn't realize it until today
That this whole season God set out
To divorce my idols from me

My whole life when I would go through something I would escape into my own little world. I would run to my idols. Whether that be a fantasy world, a best friend, a man, sometimes even the house of God itself. I've made a life out of running to everything and everyone except the Lord. We've all done it. We all have our idols. 

It all started in the Garden of Eden. See, you thought I'd say with the Israelites, but nope. We began to worship something other than God long before the golden calf. Idol worship is about more than statues and Buddha. An idol is ANYTHING you love more than God, go to more than God, prefer over God. An idol is anything or anyone you worship that is not Jesus Christ. But to understand that we must first understand what worship is.

Worship is not just about singing songs and lifting your hands and bowing to something. When you worship something you arrange your life around it, it becomes your priority above all else. Worship is an intense adoration of something or someone. 

How do you identify if something is an idol? Usually the first sign that you've made something or someone an idol is denial. Lol. Whatever you idolize above Jesus, it's not going to be easy to admit it. ESPECIALLY if you're a Christian. I know it was hard for me to recognize that I was running to anything but Jesus. That I loved myself more than I loved Him. That I even loved and trusted His people more than I loved and trusted Him. 

This is what Jimmy says: Anything I want with all my heart is an idol. Anything I put before my God is an idol. Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol. ANYTHING I give all my love is an idol.

What do you schedule your days around? What makes you a tad bit angry when the preacher speaks against it? What do you spend your time thinking about? When you zone out thinking what is circling in your brain? Are you thinking about the Maker of Heaven and earth? Or your boyfriend?

This is not to say that thinking about other things than God is a sin. This is to get you to look at what you may idolize.

I have had a ROUGH time since September of last year. And it just dawned on me this morning that I've had a rough time because I'm going through a divorce! God has had to take me through this mire to divorce me from all of my own devices. He says no more. No more will I lean on my own understanding, because I don't understand anything! I DON'T KNOW NOTHING! But He knows it all. And He longs to share His heart with me. I have learned that nothing I conjure up is going to work. Nothing I try to do or say or maneuver is going to get me the money I need, the car I need, the man I need. Nothing. 

We MUST learn to not lean on our own understanding! Then and only then will our paths be made straight. That's in the Bible.

I beg of you, for your own sake, GET DIVORCED! Leave those idols in the dust where they came from and give ALL of your worship to the one true God who NEVER fails.

⁵ “With whom will you compare me or count me equal?
    To whom will you liken me that we may be compared?
⁶ Some pour out gold from their bags
    and weigh out silver on the scales;
they hire a goldsmith to make it into a god,
    and they bow down and worship it.
⁷ They lift it to their shoulders and carry it;
    they set it up in its place, and there it stands.
    From that spot IT CANNOT MOVE.
Even though someone cries out to it, IT CANNOT ANSWER;
    IT CANNOT SAVE THEM FROM THEIR TROUBLES Isaiah 46:5-7