Leave. Me. Alone. No, really. A-LONE. By Myself.

 

I've got something to say.

Today I was watching a syndicated talk show, The Real. This show has five hostesses. One is completely single, three are married, one is in a long term relationship. Loni, the single woman, read a letter from a fan today that was my LIFE in their segment called "Girl Chat."

Here's the link to the video. It's about 3 minutes if you want to watch it.

The letter from the fan talked about how she is single and perfectly fine with it; but around the holidays especially, all of her friends and family stay trying to hook her up with EVERYBODY and she is just sick of it.

Loni completely agrees with the woman, because she is a single woman who enjoys her single life and doesn't see herself being married any time soon. The other women on the panel however, seem to have a hard time understanding why she is so content.

How many of us live this EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! It's like everyone in the world wants to remind you that you're single! No matter what you are doing with your life or what you've accomplished people continuously fight for you to believe that things truly aren't complete without a mate.

"Oh I have a Master's Degree!" "That's great! When are you getting married, girl?!"
 *side eye*

"Oh I just planted my first church!"
"Wow! Congrats! That's amazing! When you gon' get a first lady thought?!"
 *siiiiiiddddeee EYE*

"Hey! I just indicted Darren Wilson!!!"
"Oh, for real? That's amazing! When you getting a man, tho?"

For real? It's seriously like that when you're single in this world! And I'm like, bro, CHIIIILLLL!!! I am FINE!!! No, I wasn't lonely until you told me I should be! I wasn't thinking about no man until you reminded me that I don't have one!

So this is a crying out to all you happy relationship people, over zealous parents, nosy co-workers, and braggy older siblings: LEAVE US ALONE!!!

Let me tell you a story, if you didn't notice, there is a lot of work to be done in this world. Souls need saving, rights need to be fought for, justice needs to be served, and the gospel needs to preached. Therefore, if I'm about my Father's business, I am in His will. If I am in His will, then He will make my paths straight. And if a beautiful 6'2' black man who loves the Lord and hates injustice is in that straight path and God sees fit for us to become one, I guarantee God is ABLE! But, tell me WHY, I'm preaching to YOU about MY single season? Please, in the most respectful way, GET SOME BUSINESS! We ALL need to be busy doing God's work because we are His ambassadors sent to reconcile people to Him. God needs single people whose hearts aren't divided yet! (1 Cor 7)

Dear Grandma, Mama, Uncle Ray Ray, Aunt Billie Jean, random girl at work, we love you, we truly truly do; but please, for the sake of our contentment, leave. us. alone. We like to be left alone. We want it to be just us and Jesus. (For now) And there is nothing WRONG with being ALONE!!!

Jesus quite often left the crowd to be alone.

Paul preached the gospel for three years alone before he met up with other apostles. Not to mention he was single his entire life.

It is true that most of us are called to marriage. It is also true that God is taking us through different seasons and preparations for marriage. And it's also true that not everything is about marriage! Can I just be alone? Pay my own rent? Wash my own dishes that I bought? Go home and feed nobody but myself? Let me enjoy it! Find something else to complain about and leave me alone!

Most of us want to get married one day, but why is our contentment in this single season so upsetting to you when the Bible tells us to be content! I'm trying to not awaken love until it's time. I'm trying to leave holy. And the best way you can help me is to leave me alone. Talk about anything else, but that.

Thank you.
Sincerely,
A Frustrated, Content Single Person

Is God your Source or your Last Resort?

A lot of us who are Christians fail to take inventory of what's going on inside of us. We get so caught up in routine and just life that we don't sit before JESUS and allow Him to transform is DAILY. Yes, DAILY. 

See. Some of us thought that once we got saved the transforming was over. But no. This is a day by day thing until we meet Jesus face to face.

So when was the last time you did something differently? When was the last time you allowed the Holy Spirit to correct you?

This is what we are going to do today. We are going to examine our actions to see if we truly are living like Jesus intended. No, we aren't perfect. And no, we won't get it all right. But, yes, we will intentionally say NO to ungodliness and pursue Jesus. 

So I wanna know this: do you go to God on every decision? Do you seek Him at every turn? Do you consult the Word when you are confronted with a situation? Is JESUS the VERY EPICENTER of your being? Does He HOLD you TOGETHER? If not, who does? If you don't go to the Word when someone makes you mad, who or what do you consult? If when making a decision on who to date or what job to take you don't seek God's plan, whose plan are you seeking? Your mothers? Your own? The worlds idea of what your life should be like? When you get into it with your husband who are you inquiring of about your marriage? About your children? Who do you act like when you have a bad day? The old you? Or Jesus? 

These are all questions I ask because David asked them. He said search my heart, O God! See if there be ANY offensive way in me! And LEAD me in the way of the EVERLASTING! (Psalm 139) (And yes Psalm 139 talks about more than how fearfully and wonderfully made you are!!!!)

Too many of us are going in the way of the short term fix. We want it quick and dirty. We don't prefer the way of everlasting because it requires too much of us! But we must seek and go in the way of the Lord. You call yourself His daughter, His son, right? Then act like it. 

We need to re-center. Reposition ourselves. We have gotten too comfortable doing things the worlds way again. It's time to reel it back in. Get the slack out of our line to the voice of God and seek and obey Him at every turn.

So take inventory today. Get out a piece of paper or a journal and THINK. For once stop just reacting to everything around you! Your instincts are not the way God desires to handle everything. Stick to the Word for guidance and the Holy Spirit for counsel. Let God be your SOURCE and don't just go to Him when you're in trouble. Don't wait until you're in trouble! Go to Him NOW. Right now!

The song says, He's waiting on you. He knows just what to do.

A Good Man is Hard to Find???

Let me tell you a story...

I was at church yesterday and the Exhorter preached from Proverbs 31:10. As long as I've been a woman I've heard this scripture preached to me.

"You are worth MORE than rubies!"
"Know your worth!"
"Live like you are worth more than rubies!"

And that is a very valuable message.

But what caught my attention yesterday, and I believe for the very first time, was the beginning of that verse.

Who can find a virtuous woman?

The preacher said that men are looking for virtuous women. GOD is looking for virtuous women!

And I thought, Hmmmm. We always complaining saying 'a good man is hard to find' but the Bible says a good WOMAN is hard to find!'

So, let me say this, women are constantly complaining that they cannot find a good man. Well I know why. BECAUSE YOU AIN'T A GOOD WOMAN!!!

First of all, if you were that virtuous woman you would understand that it is not your job to look but to be found.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, since WHEN have you EVA, EVA, yes, EVAAAAA, read or heard about the TREASURE uncovering itself and going to find the pirate?!! You haven't. And you won't. Because when something is valuable, people will come looking for it! STAY COVERED!!! The Bible says that the life we once lived is HIDDEN in Christ! (Col 3) Some of y'all trying to come out of hiding far too soon. My admonishment to you is to stay HIDDEN in Christ, because, honey, you look much better covered in His blood than you ever will flashing your broken self.

Second of all, you and me and the rest are so worried about what kind of man we need in order to not get hurt again that we refuse to see our flaws. We focus so much on the "I'm worth more than rubies" that we stay spiritually and mentally immature. We steady engaging in gossip and drama. We so worried about getting a man that when we do we will have no idea how to KEEP HIM!!! All that drama, nagging, gossip, and childish jealousy will run that man crazy. The way you acting now will bring hell into that marriage you praying so hard for. Yes, know your worth, but act like it! As Exhorter Jones said yesterday, we have to learn to operate FAR ABOVE because that is what we are worth.

Third of all, like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion. It is so important to dialogue about discretion in this time. During this new feminist movement, women everywhere are louder and looser than ever. And I say that to our shame. We begging God for a man forgetting than when we get him we are commanded to submit to him but refuse to practice submission and class now. We are to be a CROWN on our husband's head. Who wants to wear a loud, audacious crown? Or a crown that is easily lusted after because of it's flashiness? We need to learn to be classy women who will compliment our husbands and future husbands, not overtake them with our "personality."

Let me tell you something, I am loud. My personality is overly friendly, sarcastic, and doesn't mind attention. My personality does not exempt me from pursuing a gentle and quiet spirit. But that's a different blog. All I'm saying is act like you got some sense. Stop constantly talking over people, interrupting them, eating with your mouth wide open. Cross your legs, cover up, stop telling your business to everybody and, for the sake of the gospel, stop telling everybody else's business too! Be DISCREET or your beauty will look real ugly.

The point of this blog is for us to realize the truth. The Bible doesn't say a good man is hard to find. It says a good woman is hard to find. But oh when she is found!!! She brings favor to those who are blessed by her relationship. So, ladies, let us focus on being healed, getting whole and submitting to the Holy Spirit so that we can be those virtuous women that God is searching for to advance His kingdom and that men are looking for to complete their potential.

The True Injustice

There's a lot going on in our world. When I heard the prosecutor announce that there was no probable cause for the indictment of an officer who shot an unarmed man 6 times, a lot of emotions circled me.

I often have a lot to say about racism in America, the denial that it still exists, and the injustice often served to people of color across this country, and the world.

However, I asked the Lord what I should do with my frustrations. He said, of course, to bring them to Him. When I did, here is what I discovered.

A majority of us believe that justice was not served today. I didn't see all the evidence up close, and I don't know that I could be trusted to make a non-biased opinion if I did. But still, even if one of those shots was justified, surely the other 5 were not.

What struck me is that maybe Mike Brown didn't know Jesus. I don't know him at all, but what if he didn't? What if he never heard the true gospel? What if people petted him his whole life and fooled him into thinking he had at least 10 more years to "get his life right" and come to Jesus? That is the real injustice.

The real injustice is that WE are dying everyday. By we, I mean US, THIS GENERATION! You, me, our peers, friends, cousins, classmates. Mike was 18 years old when he was gunned down. Cancer is the second leading cause of death for children. We are dying everyday! If not at the hand of the white supremacist it's at the hand of an extra line of cocaine or even at the end of the barrel of our own gun.

Yet and still we don't give two crumbs at the bottom of a cracker box about where we will spend eternity. We holler YOLO and keep on living a life of HELL procrastinating repentance when we have no idea if we will make it to the next day, the next week, the next year. Then we stand in the street and riot about a brother "gone too soon." This should be a wake up call that we ain't but that far from being "gone too soon" ourselves! Instead of acting a fool we should be running to the cross that our grandmothers sang about!!!

Holiness is urgent. Salvation is current. And repentance can no longer be delayed.

It is time out for trying to be cute and politically correct with the gospel. Preach the truth in and out of season. When it's popular and when it's rejected. When it's easy and when it's difficult. When you feel like it, and my God, even when you do not! They say friends don't let friends die without hearing the gospel!

The Lord also spoke to me this: DO NOT BE DECEIVED!!! Do you NOT see the diversion of the devil?! He is out to divert our attention from the real problem. Which is sin. The problem with the justice system is not racism, it's that it's ran by humans! People who are sinful at the core like me and you but probably refuse to believe it. The only perfect justice is that of Jesus Christ.

We are all that officer. We committed horrible crime; but not against anyone here on earth. We committed horrible crime against the One, True Living God. We have all sinned against a holy God. And we were indicted, arraigned, and convicted. Sentenced to eternal separation from the very God we sinned against.

And justice was served.

But not on us. 

No. We did not receive our just reward. We did not get what we DESERVED even though we so quickly demand the blood of a policeman or of anyone who we think did us wrong! We want him and our father who left us and our family member who molested us and our coworker who gets on our everlasting nerves ALL to PAY!!! But WE WALK FREE!!!

Because God sought justice through the blood of His very own Son rather than commit us all to an eternity in hell. You are quick to yell and scream and shout "Thank You Jesus! Your blood has set me free!" and in the same breath throw another man no worse than you to the wolves.

We are just as full of hatred as any racist when we refuse to remember that Jesus died for their sins too! We are not the only ones who get to walk free!

So, please, be compassionate and forgiving, because, even though it's hard and it seems wrong, God does that for us every single day.

And please, do not delay. Be quick to repent and return to God because you never know when you will meet your gunman.

Break Through that Mountain

Do you ever feel like you keep going around the same mountain? That you're living this Christian life from breakthrough to breakthrough? Maybe you just feel plain defeated, like this whole Jesus thing isn't really going ANYwhere.

Every time you turn around it's something else! Or maybe it's the same thing.

I've felt that way too. 

But what I realized not that long ago from a post on IG is that while I was crying "Jesus! More of You less of me!!!" He was crying the something quite similar: "Ventura!!! More of you! I already gave you ALL of ME!"

So the way to move your mountain isn't MORE JESUS. You have ALL of Him. The way to move your mountain is to give Him more of YOU! EVERYTHING!

You go to church and you sing "I surrender aaallll!!!" And "I give myself awaaaaayyyyy!!!!" And even "NOT MY WILL BUT YOURS, LORD!" But EVERY time there is an opportunity outside the walls of corporate worship to choose His will above yours, you FLAKE!

Hmm. Did that sting a little? Make you cringe? Feel like a punch in the gut? Yeah. That's called conviction. And you haven't felt it in a while. Or maybe you've felt its evil cousin condemnation. There is a difference. 

Conviction is a means to an end. It is the tugging of the Holy Spirit to ignite change in your life. It is a Godly sorrow that leads to repentance. 

Condemnation is a passing of judgement. A decision that what you did is unredeemable and beyond forgiveness.

The Holy Spirit convicts. Our enemy, satan, condemns.

So if you are feeling condemned go read Romans 8. 

If you are feeling convicted go read Romans 6.

We have to get away from this feel good Christianity. It's not gonna always feeeeeellll good when you are presenting your members as instruments of righteousness. Especially since they are used to being used for unrighteousness. 

For example. Say you grew up

In England where the driver is on the right side instead of the left. You learned to drive there and did so for about 20 years. Fast forward to today. You're older and you've never driven from a left side drivers seat in your life. But now you've moved to America for a new job and that's the way it is. And for you it's extra awkward, uncomfortable and even frustrating at times because everything is backwards. You have to learn new traffic signals and speed limits. All while commuting to your new job who didn't find it beneficial to give you an easy work load for your transition. Now you have to learn to shift gears and do turn signals with opposite hands than you're already auto tuned to. Sometimes you feel like an idiot and that you have to learn to drive all over again. You have to reposition your members to do the same things but in a different order and a different way. 

Now you wouldn't think it strange to give that guy some grace if you were carpooling with him. But you would want him to learn eventually to do it right. And the only way he could is if he practiced, maybe he will relearn in a lot fewer than 20 years, but still it takes work. 

But when it comes to this Christian walk we have a different standard. We expect God to do some magic trick on us. Or conduct our every move away from sin. That is not the case, dear ones. 

We are given a new heart. All things are made clean and new in us when we are born again. But repentance isn't a one time thing. We must continually and consistently turn away from sin. The difference in a sinner and a saint is a sinner pursues sin and a saint pursues righteousness. 

So you keep going around the same mountain because while your heart has changed your pursuit hasn't shifted in that certain area. 

Instead of pursuing God when your money is funny, you pursue more hours at work or tell your boss "I mean I can miss one Sunday of church." Or think to yourself I need these tithe money now. You think yourself out of the situation instead of pursing the word of God on the topic. 

Or maybe when you are emotional instead of seeking God or looking for a righteous way to deal with your emotions you go to your safe place. Maybe that's venting to your friends, or lashing out on social media. Or maybe that's dipping back to your ex or turning on a little pornography. Sex relieves stress after all, right? 

What about when someone at work or home makes you mad? I mean just steps on your toes and gets you heated. Do you run to the word that says a soft answer turns away wrath or do you jump to gossip about that person or go off on them immediately?

Do you have the tendency of laying your new life aside when circumstances come to shake you up? 

Listen, honey, you will never be victorious if you keep on presenting the members of your body (your mouth, your mind, your legs) for unrighteousness. CONTROL YOURSELF and pick up the Bible! You know. That book you couldn't get enough of when you first found Jesus that now sits in your car waiting for Sunday morning to roll around?!

There are a couple of common themes in Jesus' ministry. For one, the word often says "He had compassion on them so he healed them." Before Jesus healed on several accounts compassion preceded the miracle. So you must know that Jesus indeed loves you. He feels a deep passion concerning His people and seeing them set free, healed, delivered. 

Second, when Jesus healed people before and after He made sure they knew to go and sin no more. He actually told one guy who He saw a week after He healed him to stop sinning or something worse would happen to him! Jesus took holiness just as serious as He took our breakthroughs. 

So, I urge you, let your next break through be the last of that chapter. Stop going around the same mountain. Pass the test. Surrender that area to Jesus. Stop pursuing sin and present your members as agents of righteousness. Take ACTION concerning your walk with God. You have faith, now put it to work. Put yourself to work. Get free, test out of the minor league so that God can use you!!! ALL of you!

Do You Believe in God?

I don't want much out of life. Just to live. Really live. To love. I mean really love. And to please God. Because I truly believe He is worth pleasing.

People ask if I believe God is real. I sometimes ask myself the same question. I mean, do I really believe this thing? 5 years and 2 months in, I must believe this is the best way to live. Maybe the only way.

But what actually happens here? What do I do? How can I truly LIVE like I believe this thing? Whole heartedly. Forever.

I mean, people are dying for the advancement of the God of Jesus Christ. Being tortured and killed everyday since Jesus walked this earth. And I can't say no to a cookie or to Twitter after dark?

They say anyone can be a martyr in an instance. It's easy to give your life on a whim, when you don't have much think time.

But who is willing to give their life everyday? Who is willing to lie down and die to sin every hour when the emotional high isn't there and the reward isn't immediately tangible, or even imaginable?

Who can stand in the day of trouble, in the wake of temptation, and choose to martyr their hopes, their desires, their wants, and their pride with the hope that it will all be worth it.

Can you?

Can I?

Well. I will. Because I believe. I don't believe there is any other option. I believe the Bible. Because it's been right too many times not to. I believe God loves me, because He has proven Himself time and time and time again. I mean, who else could it be? Who else paid my bills when I had no money? It wasn't you. Who else comforted me when I had no one? Who else doesn't reject me when I'm vulnerable? Who else made a solution for my total depravity?

Who else?

So, how can I not? How can we not LIVE what we talk about? I don't mean just not being a classic hypocrite. I don't mean I went to the club Saturday and church Sunday. I don't mean you shouting in church and then cussing someone out. It's obvious what's going on there.

I mean deeper than that. I mean us Christians who live EVERYDAY worried, stressed, depressed and anxious. I mean pastors and deacons and worship leaders who are experiencing these things. I mean seasoned Christians who have seen God bring them through time and time again. Those of us who know the faithfulness of God but have began to believe the report of the enemy.

We preach about, sing songs about and counsel others on second chances, grace, love, faithfulness and WE are the ones who have a hard time believing. And it's evident. Because we are defeated. We live in defeat. We would rather fight for another without first armoring ourselves.

Newsflash. Our fight won't last long because before we know it we will be taken out by our own unbelief.

So, what do you do? What do you do when you feel depressed? What do yo do when you feel anxious? What do you do when you are overwhelmed, when things don't go your way, when all the odds are against you? What do you do when you have financial troubles, when you feel deserted, when you need confidence, when you feel condemned, when you are doubting God?

Do you believe in God? Do you believe the Bible is true? Do you believe that Jesus died to pay the cost of your sin? Do you truly believe there is no other way to live?

Then live like it.

Nothing and no one else satisfies.

I don't know about you, but

As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; HE IS A SHIELD TO ALL WHO TRUST IN HIM. Psalm 18:30

Finally Single

Soooooo...to be completely transparent, I want a man! I want to be pursued! I want somebody texting my phone and trying to come see me! I want to finally be in a relationship. I want to know what it's like! I honestly didn't even realize this! I THOUGHT I was content! I thought I didn't want a man! Why? Because I ALWAYS had one texting my phone and calling me and being my friend. I was being very disobedient because God BEEN done, yes, been done, told me that was bad for business.

What if my could be husband did try to talk to me but he seen I was constantly text Bob, Joe and Abram??? HOW can God send me a man when the spot is ALWAYS FILLED?!!! I was chanting "No randoms!!" because I wasn't dating anyone or sleeping with anyone, but I was USING my brothers in Christ to fill a void that only Christ can fill!

Smh.

So, here am I, brothers and sisters, letting you know for real for real, I'm tryna get a ring. Smh. Such a sad story.

I THOUGHT I was single, but in my heart I was not!

Upon this revelation of my heart, I immediately went to the Lord and prayed. I write prayers a lot, so I was writing it on my phone and I thought, man, this might help somebody! So, here it is, raw and real.

"I wanna be pursued!!! I want to have someone to text! I want a MAN on my team for once! Help me Jesus to give these desires to you and not let them consume me! Give me the patience to wait and the heart to want to please You more than wanting this. All in your way and in your timing, Lord. You are good and I know you have plans to prosper me and bring me that one of a kind love! And I know that if You want me, knowing me at my worst, that any man who doesn't want me is not for me. Help me to keep my worth ever before my eyes and to see myself through Your vision and not my own! Help me to see the ways in which you are pursuing my heart and showing me how it's done!!! Teach me to be submissive to Your Holy Spirit so that I will be a wife who knows how to be covered well. Show me what true love is so that when it comes to me I will recognize it and when the counterfeits come I will turn away! Help me to accomplish the dreams you have put in my heart during this season. I wanna court YOU Jesus! Remind me what romance is like and show me the truth of who I am. Love on me, Jesus, for you know best how I am to be loved. Lord, I devote my singleness to you. I don't want to want anything more than I want You. This is Your time to shape me, mold me, mend me, heal me, anoint me and exalt me. Make me who You want me to be. Rid me of my selfishness. Make me more loving, kind, and patient. In Your name I pray."

So, please, don't be like me and STOP acting like you don't want a man! You can say it all you want to your friends like I used to, but it won't change it! It's ok to want it, but it's never ok to want something more than you want God. Take that desire to Him and watch Him fulfill it! And if I call or text your phone talking bout some "I want a man like this" and blah blah blah, PLEASE tell me to shut up! Lol. WE have to STOP enabling each other, people!!! It's alright to know what you want and talk to one another about it; but when we singles are constantly talking about what we want in the next season, we will not enjoy this one!

So when your friend, male or female, comes talking to you about somebody, PLEASE, DON'T ENTERTAIN THEM!!! Now you KNOW that man or woman ain't for them, so WHY are you agreeing with everything they say and telling them to go for it??? Please, be helpers to one another and SHUT IT DOWN! REAL FRIENDS SAY NOOOOOO!!!

Point your friend to Jesus and the Bible and prayer! If God didn't speak that "advice" to you then do not share it. Unless the Lord parted the heavens and told you that's your homegirl's husband, do not giggle and help her pick apart everything he said to her. You might not be hurting her feelings, but you are playing a part in breaking her heart when that man walks into church with another woman! STOP being a PEOPLE PLEASER and be a GOD PLEASER. When you see your friend being crazy and planning her wedding to a man who has not even noticed her, please, love her by letting her know she is doing the most and she needs to focus on the Lord, give that to Him and let Him keep it until that man PURSUES her. (And I mean PURSUE with stated intentions, not saying hi or giving her a church hug. But that's a whole different blog.)

All that to say, praise God! I finally understand some more things now that I re-devoted my singleness to God. He truly is the best husband ever. Perfect even.

And now you know. Lol. I hope that this helped you and that it helps me! And if you need a listening ear, or you HAVE a listening ear please email me at ventura.ivory@gmail.com. Unless you're a man. Then don't email me at all. Email a brother, please. Lol.

Sincerely,
Your Finally Single Sister Ventura