I've been rejected a lot in life. As I've said in previous posts, I was hurt a lot in the area of rejection growing up. I was always throwing myself at some boy and getting rejected. Or chasing some friendship and getting turned away and left out. From the 6th grade to the 11th grade, I never had any real consistent friends. All my friends from elementary who weren't rejected by the boys in school were wrapped up in relationships, started having sex and the like. While I was alone. Starving for attention and identity after my dad left. I so wanted just a friend. Who loved me more than themselves. Sure, I had people, but I was always alone on the band bus while everyone else was coupled up. I remember sitting alone at the back and seeing someone make out who I didn't even know was a couple and not having anyone to tell the news to. It was heartbreaking.
Every boy that I had liked since the age of three didn't like me back. Maybe one, when I was in the first grade, but that was it. And I couldn't understand why.. I was 15 and I just couldn't understand what was so wrong with me that no one even wanted to give me a chance. It wasn't that I dated and got dumped over and over. I mean they wouldn't even give me a chance to love them. So much worse than experiencing my love then rejecting it. It was like I wasn't even worth the experience. I wasn't worth being given a chance.
To this day, I still don't understand it. How can you reject someone you don't even know?
Then I remembered, Jesus was rejected. By people who didn't even know Him. And He still is.
When I came to Christ I left most of my past where it was, in the past. That was the old me. I'm made new and nothing in my past matters.
I had even come to believe that all the rejection I experienced was God's will to protect me from potientially detrimental relationships that would destroy my purity that God wanted to preserve.
So naturally, I never was healed from the rejection and never thought I needed to be. I thought it was just wiped away. Until I began to notice it was blurring my vision. I was so terrified that my future husband wouldn't really want me. That he would just have to be with me because God said so. Then I was convinced he would never come for me. I was so crippled by rejection that I stayed in a way to close friendship with a guy friend hoping that God would open his eyes to me as a wife knowing he wasn't God's best for me. I KNEW IT. But I was convinced he was the best I could get. And I couldn't even confront him about the nature of our friendship because fear of rejection crippled me. Every step I took was out of fear and not faith. I lurked, waiting for the inevitable rejection. But the Holy Spirit would not allow it to be my verdict. Not until I was set free was I able to cut off that relationship.
Some of you are in the same situation I was in. Until you are set free you will continue to stay in relationships and friendships that you shouldn't be in out of fear and not out of faith.
AND WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD.
AND ANYTHING THAT IS NOT FROM FAITH IS SIN.
I didn't have faith that this guy was my future husband. None. I had FEAR that if it wasn't him, it couldn't be anyone else. I DIDN'T EVEN LIKE HIM. I couldn't name five things that I liked about him in that way. He was NOTHING I wanted in a husband. An amazing friend and brother he was and still is to me, but other than that. Nothing. But I was willing to settle out of fear.
One night our youth pastor preached at our college meeting that I regularly attend and serve in. He preached on relationships. The best sermon on relationships I've heard in a long while. Rocked us all. And he talked about rejection and purity briefly, but not too long. I knew I needed to draw lines with this guy and God told me I could talk to him as long as it was out of faith and not out of fear. After the sermon I knew I needed prayer over the rejection I was fearing.
He explained to me that those wounds were on my spirit and God wanted to heal them. And we prayed and I was set free instantly. The demons that harassed me constantly, consistently, fled at the name of Jesus. They no longer whispered lies about myself worth in my ear. I was free. And three days later God freed me from that friendship and I barely cried a tear! The heartbreak that I so anxiously awaited and tried to avoid, didn't really hurt that bad.
I knew what I was worth the whole time. I was just convinced that no one else did and they needed to see that. Once I was set free I could actually see with the eyes of Christ how many people, brothers and sisters, knew what I was worth the whole time! I was just blind to it.
God is so faithful and so perfect. And He desires for us all to live in freedom just like Eden. So I pray that God shows you what you're worth to Him. And I pray that you will move in faith and declare freedom over rejection. Go to the one who was rejected more than all of us. He knows your pain. And He knows how to heal you.
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