Leave. Me. Alone. No, really. A-LONE. By Myself.

 

I've got something to say.

Today I was watching a syndicated talk show, The Real. This show has five hostesses. One is completely single, three are married, one is in a long term relationship. Loni, the single woman, read a letter from a fan today that was my LIFE in their segment called "Girl Chat."

Here's the link to the video. It's about 3 minutes if you want to watch it.

The letter from the fan talked about how she is single and perfectly fine with it; but around the holidays especially, all of her friends and family stay trying to hook her up with EVERYBODY and she is just sick of it.

Loni completely agrees with the woman, because she is a single woman who enjoys her single life and doesn't see herself being married any time soon. The other women on the panel however, seem to have a hard time understanding why she is so content.

How many of us live this EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! It's like everyone in the world wants to remind you that you're single! No matter what you are doing with your life or what you've accomplished people continuously fight for you to believe that things truly aren't complete without a mate.

"Oh I have a Master's Degree!" "That's great! When are you getting married, girl?!"
 *side eye*

"Oh I just planted my first church!"
"Wow! Congrats! That's amazing! When you gon' get a first lady thought?!"
 *siiiiiiddddeee EYE*

"Hey! I just indicted Darren Wilson!!!"
"Oh, for real? That's amazing! When you getting a man, tho?"

For real? It's seriously like that when you're single in this world! And I'm like, bro, CHIIIILLLL!!! I am FINE!!! No, I wasn't lonely until you told me I should be! I wasn't thinking about no man until you reminded me that I don't have one!

So this is a crying out to all you happy relationship people, over zealous parents, nosy co-workers, and braggy older siblings: LEAVE US ALONE!!!

Let me tell you a story, if you didn't notice, there is a lot of work to be done in this world. Souls need saving, rights need to be fought for, justice needs to be served, and the gospel needs to preached. Therefore, if I'm about my Father's business, I am in His will. If I am in His will, then He will make my paths straight. And if a beautiful 6'2' black man who loves the Lord and hates injustice is in that straight path and God sees fit for us to become one, I guarantee God is ABLE! But, tell me WHY, I'm preaching to YOU about MY single season? Please, in the most respectful way, GET SOME BUSINESS! We ALL need to be busy doing God's work because we are His ambassadors sent to reconcile people to Him. God needs single people whose hearts aren't divided yet! (1 Cor 7)

Dear Grandma, Mama, Uncle Ray Ray, Aunt Billie Jean, random girl at work, we love you, we truly truly do; but please, for the sake of our contentment, leave. us. alone. We like to be left alone. We want it to be just us and Jesus. (For now) And there is nothing WRONG with being ALONE!!!

Jesus quite often left the crowd to be alone.

Paul preached the gospel for three years alone before he met up with other apostles. Not to mention he was single his entire life.

It is true that most of us are called to marriage. It is also true that God is taking us through different seasons and preparations for marriage. And it's also true that not everything is about marriage! Can I just be alone? Pay my own rent? Wash my own dishes that I bought? Go home and feed nobody but myself? Let me enjoy it! Find something else to complain about and leave me alone!

Most of us want to get married one day, but why is our contentment in this single season so upsetting to you when the Bible tells us to be content! I'm trying to not awaken love until it's time. I'm trying to leave holy. And the best way you can help me is to leave me alone. Talk about anything else, but that.

Thank you.
Sincerely,
A Frustrated, Content Single Person

Is God your Source or your Last Resort?

A lot of us who are Christians fail to take inventory of what's going on inside of us. We get so caught up in routine and just life that we don't sit before JESUS and allow Him to transform is DAILY. Yes, DAILY. 

See. Some of us thought that once we got saved the transforming was over. But no. This is a day by day thing until we meet Jesus face to face.

So when was the last time you did something differently? When was the last time you allowed the Holy Spirit to correct you?

This is what we are going to do today. We are going to examine our actions to see if we truly are living like Jesus intended. No, we aren't perfect. And no, we won't get it all right. But, yes, we will intentionally say NO to ungodliness and pursue Jesus. 

So I wanna know this: do you go to God on every decision? Do you seek Him at every turn? Do you consult the Word when you are confronted with a situation? Is JESUS the VERY EPICENTER of your being? Does He HOLD you TOGETHER? If not, who does? If you don't go to the Word when someone makes you mad, who or what do you consult? If when making a decision on who to date or what job to take you don't seek God's plan, whose plan are you seeking? Your mothers? Your own? The worlds idea of what your life should be like? When you get into it with your husband who are you inquiring of about your marriage? About your children? Who do you act like when you have a bad day? The old you? Or Jesus? 

These are all questions I ask because David asked them. He said search my heart, O God! See if there be ANY offensive way in me! And LEAD me in the way of the EVERLASTING! (Psalm 139) (And yes Psalm 139 talks about more than how fearfully and wonderfully made you are!!!!)

Too many of us are going in the way of the short term fix. We want it quick and dirty. We don't prefer the way of everlasting because it requires too much of us! But we must seek and go in the way of the Lord. You call yourself His daughter, His son, right? Then act like it. 

We need to re-center. Reposition ourselves. We have gotten too comfortable doing things the worlds way again. It's time to reel it back in. Get the slack out of our line to the voice of God and seek and obey Him at every turn.

So take inventory today. Get out a piece of paper or a journal and THINK. For once stop just reacting to everything around you! Your instincts are not the way God desires to handle everything. Stick to the Word for guidance and the Holy Spirit for counsel. Let God be your SOURCE and don't just go to Him when you're in trouble. Don't wait until you're in trouble! Go to Him NOW. Right now!

The song says, He's waiting on you. He knows just what to do.

A Good Man is Hard to Find???

Let me tell you a story...

I was at church yesterday and the Exhorter preached from Proverbs 31:10. As long as I've been a woman I've heard this scripture preached to me.

"You are worth MORE than rubies!"
"Know your worth!"
"Live like you are worth more than rubies!"

And that is a very valuable message.

But what caught my attention yesterday, and I believe for the very first time, was the beginning of that verse.

Who can find a virtuous woman?

The preacher said that men are looking for virtuous women. GOD is looking for virtuous women!

And I thought, Hmmmm. We always complaining saying 'a good man is hard to find' but the Bible says a good WOMAN is hard to find!'

So, let me say this, women are constantly complaining that they cannot find a good man. Well I know why. BECAUSE YOU AIN'T A GOOD WOMAN!!!

First of all, if you were that virtuous woman you would understand that it is not your job to look but to be found.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, since WHEN have you EVA, EVA, yes, EVAAAAA, read or heard about the TREASURE uncovering itself and going to find the pirate?!! You haven't. And you won't. Because when something is valuable, people will come looking for it! STAY COVERED!!! The Bible says that the life we once lived is HIDDEN in Christ! (Col 3) Some of y'all trying to come out of hiding far too soon. My admonishment to you is to stay HIDDEN in Christ, because, honey, you look much better covered in His blood than you ever will flashing your broken self.

Second of all, you and me and the rest are so worried about what kind of man we need in order to not get hurt again that we refuse to see our flaws. We focus so much on the "I'm worth more than rubies" that we stay spiritually and mentally immature. We steady engaging in gossip and drama. We so worried about getting a man that when we do we will have no idea how to KEEP HIM!!! All that drama, nagging, gossip, and childish jealousy will run that man crazy. The way you acting now will bring hell into that marriage you praying so hard for. Yes, know your worth, but act like it! As Exhorter Jones said yesterday, we have to learn to operate FAR ABOVE because that is what we are worth.

Third of all, like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion. It is so important to dialogue about discretion in this time. During this new feminist movement, women everywhere are louder and looser than ever. And I say that to our shame. We begging God for a man forgetting than when we get him we are commanded to submit to him but refuse to practice submission and class now. We are to be a CROWN on our husband's head. Who wants to wear a loud, audacious crown? Or a crown that is easily lusted after because of it's flashiness? We need to learn to be classy women who will compliment our husbands and future husbands, not overtake them with our "personality."

Let me tell you something, I am loud. My personality is overly friendly, sarcastic, and doesn't mind attention. My personality does not exempt me from pursuing a gentle and quiet spirit. But that's a different blog. All I'm saying is act like you got some sense. Stop constantly talking over people, interrupting them, eating with your mouth wide open. Cross your legs, cover up, stop telling your business to everybody and, for the sake of the gospel, stop telling everybody else's business too! Be DISCREET or your beauty will look real ugly.

The point of this blog is for us to realize the truth. The Bible doesn't say a good man is hard to find. It says a good woman is hard to find. But oh when she is found!!! She brings favor to those who are blessed by her relationship. So, ladies, let us focus on being healed, getting whole and submitting to the Holy Spirit so that we can be those virtuous women that God is searching for to advance His kingdom and that men are looking for to complete their potential.

The True Injustice

There's a lot going on in our world. When I heard the prosecutor announce that there was no probable cause for the indictment of an officer who shot an unarmed man 6 times, a lot of emotions circled me.

I often have a lot to say about racism in America, the denial that it still exists, and the injustice often served to people of color across this country, and the world.

However, I asked the Lord what I should do with my frustrations. He said, of course, to bring them to Him. When I did, here is what I discovered.

A majority of us believe that justice was not served today. I didn't see all the evidence up close, and I don't know that I could be trusted to make a non-biased opinion if I did. But still, even if one of those shots was justified, surely the other 5 were not.

What struck me is that maybe Mike Brown didn't know Jesus. I don't know him at all, but what if he didn't? What if he never heard the true gospel? What if people petted him his whole life and fooled him into thinking he had at least 10 more years to "get his life right" and come to Jesus? That is the real injustice.

The real injustice is that WE are dying everyday. By we, I mean US, THIS GENERATION! You, me, our peers, friends, cousins, classmates. Mike was 18 years old when he was gunned down. Cancer is the second leading cause of death for children. We are dying everyday! If not at the hand of the white supremacist it's at the hand of an extra line of cocaine or even at the end of the barrel of our own gun.

Yet and still we don't give two crumbs at the bottom of a cracker box about where we will spend eternity. We holler YOLO and keep on living a life of HELL procrastinating repentance when we have no idea if we will make it to the next day, the next week, the next year. Then we stand in the street and riot about a brother "gone too soon." This should be a wake up call that we ain't but that far from being "gone too soon" ourselves! Instead of acting a fool we should be running to the cross that our grandmothers sang about!!!

Holiness is urgent. Salvation is current. And repentance can no longer be delayed.

It is time out for trying to be cute and politically correct with the gospel. Preach the truth in and out of season. When it's popular and when it's rejected. When it's easy and when it's difficult. When you feel like it, and my God, even when you do not! They say friends don't let friends die without hearing the gospel!

The Lord also spoke to me this: DO NOT BE DECEIVED!!! Do you NOT see the diversion of the devil?! He is out to divert our attention from the real problem. Which is sin. The problem with the justice system is not racism, it's that it's ran by humans! People who are sinful at the core like me and you but probably refuse to believe it. The only perfect justice is that of Jesus Christ.

We are all that officer. We committed horrible crime; but not against anyone here on earth. We committed horrible crime against the One, True Living God. We have all sinned against a holy God. And we were indicted, arraigned, and convicted. Sentenced to eternal separation from the very God we sinned against.

And justice was served.

But not on us. 

No. We did not receive our just reward. We did not get what we DESERVED even though we so quickly demand the blood of a policeman or of anyone who we think did us wrong! We want him and our father who left us and our family member who molested us and our coworker who gets on our everlasting nerves ALL to PAY!!! But WE WALK FREE!!!

Because God sought justice through the blood of His very own Son rather than commit us all to an eternity in hell. You are quick to yell and scream and shout "Thank You Jesus! Your blood has set me free!" and in the same breath throw another man no worse than you to the wolves.

We are just as full of hatred as any racist when we refuse to remember that Jesus died for their sins too! We are not the only ones who get to walk free!

So, please, be compassionate and forgiving, because, even though it's hard and it seems wrong, God does that for us every single day.

And please, do not delay. Be quick to repent and return to God because you never know when you will meet your gunman.

Break Through that Mountain

Do you ever feel like you keep going around the same mountain? That you're living this Christian life from breakthrough to breakthrough? Maybe you just feel plain defeated, like this whole Jesus thing isn't really going ANYwhere.

Every time you turn around it's something else! Or maybe it's the same thing.

I've felt that way too. 

But what I realized not that long ago from a post on IG is that while I was crying "Jesus! More of You less of me!!!" He was crying the something quite similar: "Ventura!!! More of you! I already gave you ALL of ME!"

So the way to move your mountain isn't MORE JESUS. You have ALL of Him. The way to move your mountain is to give Him more of YOU! EVERYTHING!

You go to church and you sing "I surrender aaallll!!!" And "I give myself awaaaaayyyyy!!!!" And even "NOT MY WILL BUT YOURS, LORD!" But EVERY time there is an opportunity outside the walls of corporate worship to choose His will above yours, you FLAKE!

Hmm. Did that sting a little? Make you cringe? Feel like a punch in the gut? Yeah. That's called conviction. And you haven't felt it in a while. Or maybe you've felt its evil cousin condemnation. There is a difference. 

Conviction is a means to an end. It is the tugging of the Holy Spirit to ignite change in your life. It is a Godly sorrow that leads to repentance. 

Condemnation is a passing of judgement. A decision that what you did is unredeemable and beyond forgiveness.

The Holy Spirit convicts. Our enemy, satan, condemns.

So if you are feeling condemned go read Romans 8. 

If you are feeling convicted go read Romans 6.

We have to get away from this feel good Christianity. It's not gonna always feeeeeellll good when you are presenting your members as instruments of righteousness. Especially since they are used to being used for unrighteousness. 

For example. Say you grew up

In England where the driver is on the right side instead of the left. You learned to drive there and did so for about 20 years. Fast forward to today. You're older and you've never driven from a left side drivers seat in your life. But now you've moved to America for a new job and that's the way it is. And for you it's extra awkward, uncomfortable and even frustrating at times because everything is backwards. You have to learn new traffic signals and speed limits. All while commuting to your new job who didn't find it beneficial to give you an easy work load for your transition. Now you have to learn to shift gears and do turn signals with opposite hands than you're already auto tuned to. Sometimes you feel like an idiot and that you have to learn to drive all over again. You have to reposition your members to do the same things but in a different order and a different way. 

Now you wouldn't think it strange to give that guy some grace if you were carpooling with him. But you would want him to learn eventually to do it right. And the only way he could is if he practiced, maybe he will relearn in a lot fewer than 20 years, but still it takes work. 

But when it comes to this Christian walk we have a different standard. We expect God to do some magic trick on us. Or conduct our every move away from sin. That is not the case, dear ones. 

We are given a new heart. All things are made clean and new in us when we are born again. But repentance isn't a one time thing. We must continually and consistently turn away from sin. The difference in a sinner and a saint is a sinner pursues sin and a saint pursues righteousness. 

So you keep going around the same mountain because while your heart has changed your pursuit hasn't shifted in that certain area. 

Instead of pursuing God when your money is funny, you pursue more hours at work or tell your boss "I mean I can miss one Sunday of church." Or think to yourself I need these tithe money now. You think yourself out of the situation instead of pursing the word of God on the topic. 

Or maybe when you are emotional instead of seeking God or looking for a righteous way to deal with your emotions you go to your safe place. Maybe that's venting to your friends, or lashing out on social media. Or maybe that's dipping back to your ex or turning on a little pornography. Sex relieves stress after all, right? 

What about when someone at work or home makes you mad? I mean just steps on your toes and gets you heated. Do you run to the word that says a soft answer turns away wrath or do you jump to gossip about that person or go off on them immediately?

Do you have the tendency of laying your new life aside when circumstances come to shake you up? 

Listen, honey, you will never be victorious if you keep on presenting the members of your body (your mouth, your mind, your legs) for unrighteousness. CONTROL YOURSELF and pick up the Bible! You know. That book you couldn't get enough of when you first found Jesus that now sits in your car waiting for Sunday morning to roll around?!

There are a couple of common themes in Jesus' ministry. For one, the word often says "He had compassion on them so he healed them." Before Jesus healed on several accounts compassion preceded the miracle. So you must know that Jesus indeed loves you. He feels a deep passion concerning His people and seeing them set free, healed, delivered. 

Second, when Jesus healed people before and after He made sure they knew to go and sin no more. He actually told one guy who He saw a week after He healed him to stop sinning or something worse would happen to him! Jesus took holiness just as serious as He took our breakthroughs. 

So, I urge you, let your next break through be the last of that chapter. Stop going around the same mountain. Pass the test. Surrender that area to Jesus. Stop pursuing sin and present your members as agents of righteousness. Take ACTION concerning your walk with God. You have faith, now put it to work. Put yourself to work. Get free, test out of the minor league so that God can use you!!! ALL of you!

Do You Believe in God?

I don't want much out of life. Just to live. Really live. To love. I mean really love. And to please God. Because I truly believe He is worth pleasing.

People ask if I believe God is real. I sometimes ask myself the same question. I mean, do I really believe this thing? 5 years and 2 months in, I must believe this is the best way to live. Maybe the only way.

But what actually happens here? What do I do? How can I truly LIVE like I believe this thing? Whole heartedly. Forever.

I mean, people are dying for the advancement of the God of Jesus Christ. Being tortured and killed everyday since Jesus walked this earth. And I can't say no to a cookie or to Twitter after dark?

They say anyone can be a martyr in an instance. It's easy to give your life on a whim, when you don't have much think time.

But who is willing to give their life everyday? Who is willing to lie down and die to sin every hour when the emotional high isn't there and the reward isn't immediately tangible, or even imaginable?

Who can stand in the day of trouble, in the wake of temptation, and choose to martyr their hopes, their desires, their wants, and their pride with the hope that it will all be worth it.

Can you?

Can I?

Well. I will. Because I believe. I don't believe there is any other option. I believe the Bible. Because it's been right too many times not to. I believe God loves me, because He has proven Himself time and time and time again. I mean, who else could it be? Who else paid my bills when I had no money? It wasn't you. Who else comforted me when I had no one? Who else doesn't reject me when I'm vulnerable? Who else made a solution for my total depravity?

Who else?

So, how can I not? How can we not LIVE what we talk about? I don't mean just not being a classic hypocrite. I don't mean I went to the club Saturday and church Sunday. I don't mean you shouting in church and then cussing someone out. It's obvious what's going on there.

I mean deeper than that. I mean us Christians who live EVERYDAY worried, stressed, depressed and anxious. I mean pastors and deacons and worship leaders who are experiencing these things. I mean seasoned Christians who have seen God bring them through time and time again. Those of us who know the faithfulness of God but have began to believe the report of the enemy.

We preach about, sing songs about and counsel others on second chances, grace, love, faithfulness and WE are the ones who have a hard time believing. And it's evident. Because we are defeated. We live in defeat. We would rather fight for another without first armoring ourselves.

Newsflash. Our fight won't last long because before we know it we will be taken out by our own unbelief.

So, what do you do? What do you do when you feel depressed? What do yo do when you feel anxious? What do you do when you are overwhelmed, when things don't go your way, when all the odds are against you? What do you do when you have financial troubles, when you feel deserted, when you need confidence, when you feel condemned, when you are doubting God?

Do you believe in God? Do you believe the Bible is true? Do you believe that Jesus died to pay the cost of your sin? Do you truly believe there is no other way to live?

Then live like it.

Nothing and no one else satisfies.

I don't know about you, but

As for God, His way is perfect; the word of the Lord is proven; HE IS A SHIELD TO ALL WHO TRUST IN HIM. Psalm 18:30

Finally Single

Soooooo...to be completely transparent, I want a man! I want to be pursued! I want somebody texting my phone and trying to come see me! I want to finally be in a relationship. I want to know what it's like! I honestly didn't even realize this! I THOUGHT I was content! I thought I didn't want a man! Why? Because I ALWAYS had one texting my phone and calling me and being my friend. I was being very disobedient because God BEEN done, yes, been done, told me that was bad for business.

What if my could be husband did try to talk to me but he seen I was constantly text Bob, Joe and Abram??? HOW can God send me a man when the spot is ALWAYS FILLED?!!! I was chanting "No randoms!!" because I wasn't dating anyone or sleeping with anyone, but I was USING my brothers in Christ to fill a void that only Christ can fill!

Smh.

So, here am I, brothers and sisters, letting you know for real for real, I'm tryna get a ring. Smh. Such a sad story.

I THOUGHT I was single, but in my heart I was not!

Upon this revelation of my heart, I immediately went to the Lord and prayed. I write prayers a lot, so I was writing it on my phone and I thought, man, this might help somebody! So, here it is, raw and real.

"I wanna be pursued!!! I want to have someone to text! I want a MAN on my team for once! Help me Jesus to give these desires to you and not let them consume me! Give me the patience to wait and the heart to want to please You more than wanting this. All in your way and in your timing, Lord. You are good and I know you have plans to prosper me and bring me that one of a kind love! And I know that if You want me, knowing me at my worst, that any man who doesn't want me is not for me. Help me to keep my worth ever before my eyes and to see myself through Your vision and not my own! Help me to see the ways in which you are pursuing my heart and showing me how it's done!!! Teach me to be submissive to Your Holy Spirit so that I will be a wife who knows how to be covered well. Show me what true love is so that when it comes to me I will recognize it and when the counterfeits come I will turn away! Help me to accomplish the dreams you have put in my heart during this season. I wanna court YOU Jesus! Remind me what romance is like and show me the truth of who I am. Love on me, Jesus, for you know best how I am to be loved. Lord, I devote my singleness to you. I don't want to want anything more than I want You. This is Your time to shape me, mold me, mend me, heal me, anoint me and exalt me. Make me who You want me to be. Rid me of my selfishness. Make me more loving, kind, and patient. In Your name I pray."

So, please, don't be like me and STOP acting like you don't want a man! You can say it all you want to your friends like I used to, but it won't change it! It's ok to want it, but it's never ok to want something more than you want God. Take that desire to Him and watch Him fulfill it! And if I call or text your phone talking bout some "I want a man like this" and blah blah blah, PLEASE tell me to shut up! Lol. WE have to STOP enabling each other, people!!! It's alright to know what you want and talk to one another about it; but when we singles are constantly talking about what we want in the next season, we will not enjoy this one!

So when your friend, male or female, comes talking to you about somebody, PLEASE, DON'T ENTERTAIN THEM!!! Now you KNOW that man or woman ain't for them, so WHY are you agreeing with everything they say and telling them to go for it??? Please, be helpers to one another and SHUT IT DOWN! REAL FRIENDS SAY NOOOOOO!!!

Point your friend to Jesus and the Bible and prayer! If God didn't speak that "advice" to you then do not share it. Unless the Lord parted the heavens and told you that's your homegirl's husband, do not giggle and help her pick apart everything he said to her. You might not be hurting her feelings, but you are playing a part in breaking her heart when that man walks into church with another woman! STOP being a PEOPLE PLEASER and be a GOD PLEASER. When you see your friend being crazy and planning her wedding to a man who has not even noticed her, please, love her by letting her know she is doing the most and she needs to focus on the Lord, give that to Him and let Him keep it until that man PURSUES her. (And I mean PURSUE with stated intentions, not saying hi or giving her a church hug. But that's a whole different blog.)

All that to say, praise God! I finally understand some more things now that I re-devoted my singleness to God. He truly is the best husband ever. Perfect even.

And now you know. Lol. I hope that this helped you and that it helps me! And if you need a listening ear, or you HAVE a listening ear please email me at ventura.ivory@gmail.com. Unless you're a man. Then don't email me at all. Email a brother, please. Lol.

Sincerely,
Your Finally Single Sister Ventura

Look Beyond Yourself Sometimes!

You know. I always look at these people who have degrees and children and people who have lost weight and gotten fit. Or people who walk in such power when they sing or preach or write. I realized that these people did stuff! It's HARD WORK earning a degree. Maybe they make it look easy; but that is not so.

You look at these people and you think "Man that's so awesome! I wanna be like them!!!" And you begin to COVET their PORTION. But you only want their portion of BLESSING. You want the FRUIT but you don't want the WORK. You don't know their story, their struggle or the heartache and pain it took to get where they are.

I would watch sermons and hear women preach and I would ask God to make me like them. But I quickly learned that prayer was not a good idea! Some people have gone through horrific things that I can't even imagine going through to get where they are! So stop wishing you were like somebody else! God has given you the portion just for you. The struggles, pangs, happiness and joys of life that you grow through were picked for you to make you stronger. GOD CHOSE YOU because the struggle you are in is not ALL ABOUT YOU!!!

I know, I know, how is it NOT about YOU?? YOU are the one with cancer. YOU are the one who got pregnant in high school. YOU are the one who was raped, hurt, abused, talked about, lied on, discouraged and mistreated. HOW is this not about ME?!!!

Let me tell you a story...

JESUS went through the UNimaginable. The undeserved horror that He experienced was awful. But out of LOVE He did it. He made it. He conquered it. Why? Because He understood that it was NOT about HIM.

God is taking you THROUGH THIS because there is someone NOW or DOWN THE ROAD who NEEDS your SACRIFICE.

God wants to teach you what it is really like to love. I'm always taken aback when I talk to women who have been through things that I know nothing about. I'm like, I don't know what to say to you! Thank God for the Holy Spirit who knows EVERYTHING; but it gets tricky when you cannot directly relate. And THEN God will send me someone who has been through a similar situation and I'm like WOW God!

For example, I've experienced a TON of rejection in my life. So when I can help someone who has been rejected overcome that fear, man. It is SO satisfying! And I can be like "Wow! God I THANK YOU for all the times I was REJECTED because it has allowed me to FREE SOMEONE ELSE!"

That's why I write in this blog! That's why I have confessed to all of you about my struggles with lust, rejection, fear and everything else. Why? Because God has taught me that the things I go through are not just about me!

That's why Peter said we REJOICE in suffering because like Christ we have the honor of suffering for the glory of God and for the salvation of others.

So I exhort you in these things:

1. STOP COVETING SOMEONE ELSE'S PORTION! You don't know their struggle! Be careful what you wish you had because you do not wish to go through what that person went through to get it. You see that person's amazing ministry or beautiful family or well paid job or delightful look when they hold their child, but what you did not see was the pain that they experienced during the birth of that thing. EVERYBODY wants a cute little kid to play with but NOBODY wants to go through LABOR! So think of that when you start to want someone else's life: Am I really willing to go through what they went through to get it? Eh, probably not. BE CONTENT with your portion and learn to MASTER your own temptations!

2. TAKE YOUR EYES OFF YOU AND PUT THEM ON JESUS! Realize that what you are going through isn't all about you. But when you focus on YOU that's all you will see! When you are hurting or tempted to be depressed or angry FOCUS on the CROSS! FOCUS on where you're going not what you're feeling! FORGIVE somebody!!! Jesus died for what they did to you too!

Ventura Ivory at Women in Red-Unity Chapel 2014

"Whoa! Dream Big!" :: A Commentary on Submission

I remember I was at a retreat with my church. I remember hearing all about marriage and submission. I remember being taught that my mission as a wife was to help my husband. I remember also being very young in the faith and just young period at this time. So, I went to my pastor’s wife and asked her with all the sincerity in my heart, for I was truly concerned, “What am I supposed to do until he gets here?”

She looked at me sort of puzzled as she advised me to follow the path God had for me. She said some other helpful things that I do not recall, but what I remember most is that it seemed as if she was surprised that I had some idea that there was nothing for me to do! But I really did not understand.

There are so many extremes on submission in the church. I grew up in a holiness church where men and women alike would preach from the pulpit and minister to congregations and even be senior pastors. I’ve also served in churches where that did not happen at all. I’ve even been told I could not lead a ministry because I am a woman. All of this on top of coming from a background of women whose men abused their strengths by hurting the women they were supposed to love whether with words or with fists. So, it’s safe to say I’ve been around the way when it comes to the idea of submission.

From a young girl seeing my mother get jumped on by my dad during the short while he was in our home I decided that I would never let a man run me. Not I. No. And thank God that I’ve never actually been in love so that this inner vow hasn’t backfired like it has on most women. But that day at the retreat my born again heart was truly curious as to what a woman is supposed to do without a man. Especially since what I was being taught seemed so contradictory.

They would say don’t be so consumed with finding a husband, he’s supposed to find you, just serve the Lord until he comes, and all that jazz. And I’m like ok, cool. Don’t worry about a man, focus on God. And then comes the other lessons about submission and how a woman is made to be a helpmeet. These teachers talked so highly of being a helpmeet that I wondered if I’m made to do that what am I supposed to do in the mean time?

Is this making sense? I was trying to not focus on wanting a husband while focusing on becoming ready to be a wife. That just don’t make no sense in my head. Maybe I’m alone in this?

Well, it wasn’t working. And I soon found myself playing a waiting game and believing God for a man. I was praying to God asking Him to make me a better helpmeet. I was preparing myself to give it all up to help some man with his dream and his ministry. Boy, did I feel noble. I was surely like Jesus now, willing to sacrifice it all. I was sure that I finally understood submission when I was ready to give up all my dreams to help this man with his ministry.

Long story short, I was wrong again.

I mean, this man was going on to do something COMPLETELY unlike the life I wanted and the desires I knew that were from God. He needed someone who would stay at home and care for his kids and all that jazz. Not that I don’t want to do that. But God had/has something so different in my heart. I want to be ablaze spiting the fire of God from my big mouth all over the world, not sitting at home while my husband travels and spreads the gospel. There’s nothing wrong with staying at home, but my heart yearns to travel and preach.

I believed that submission meant giving up all of my dreams and goals to help my one-day husband accomplish his. That way of thinking was only half true. Yes, I am called to help a man one day, in God's timing. However, my helping him, though it will involve sacrifice, as all true love does, will not cause me to release God's plan for my life. I will not have to evict my dreams to make room in my heart for his dreams.

Ladies, submission does not belittle us, it empowers us. Submission does not muzzle us, it strengthens us. I encourage you to practice submitting to the Holy Spirit and you will learn, like me, that submitting one to another is in our best interest!

Besides, the man God has for you, and for me, man, our dreams will be one in the same and we will each play a vital part in bringing those dreams into reality.

So stop WAITING around to tailor your dreams to somebody else’s. DREAM!!! DREAM BIG!!! And believe God that your future mate will have the same dreams as you! And if a guy comes along that doesn’t, he might as well move around.

1 Corinthians 7:34b-35

An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

Hey Y'all!!!

Discussion Topics for Remarkable Wisdom



Hello all!!!



So I have stumbled upon this internet radio business. I've been told that I need to be heard, and if you read my blog you already know I have A LOT to say about pretty much EVERYTHING.



However, I would love YOUR input on what to discuss on the show. I want to bring light and biblical wisdom to everyday topics and things that we deal with as people. Please go to this link and vote on the topics you're most interested in and I will do my best to bring a lively, humorous truth to said topic!



Thanks! Love you!

PSA: For Young Christian Singles ONLY

Let me tell you a story.

I have a really bad habit of wasting my heart. Picture the woman with the alabaster jar times like 12. I love to spill my love on Jesus, yes, more than anything. But, I also have a horrible record of spilling my love on men who didn’t deserve or even want it. I would leave with a long face and a shattered heart, rejected and confused.

But about a year ago, God explained it all to me. I knew my worth, but I was not wise with it. I was not walking in it. I was spilling my love on a man who wasn’t at all for me, didn’t want me and didn’t have the capacity to understand my worth because I was not his and I wasn’t going to be. After doing this for months I finally got set free from the spirit of rejection that seriously harassed me for years and years. And years! And it finally exploded with this guy and my pastor told me that I was wasting my heart. I was so convicted.

Since then, I’ve been trying to learn how to be hidden in Christ. How to truly guard my heart and love at the same time. Love anyone and everyone. But, here’s the thing. Maybe I’m some special breed of woman, but I just can’t be close to a man without catching feelings. It’s statistically been a fail across the timeline of my life. I’m too generous, my heart is too big and I am too zealous to set reasonable boundaries. I mean, I have men that I’m friends with, but they are in my outer courts. I don’t text them every day. I don’t talk to them even every week. We know each other, but we have boundaries. Some we set in place and most are just there without having to set them.

I used to think I was a weirdo. I thought, what kind of crazy woman is always catching feelings for somebody? What do you want from me, God??? Want me to be a NUN? Want me to hide from every brother in Christ I see? Not talk to them? Be rude? What can I DO to not waste my heart ANYMORE??!!!

I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you did (yes I sung that to the Backstreet Boys tune) you're NOT exempt from catching feelings for your brother or sister in Christ!

Guard your heart. From out of it FLOW all the ISSUES of life! You don't need to be letting all your issues flow all over the place in an intimate conversation in the middle of the night. Talkin' bout some "I was ministering to her."

Boy, please.

You're a MAN! Yes, you're saved. No, you not trying to hook up. But you must be WISE. I don't care who the woman is or what kind of excuse she uses, if she is following God and has a heart of flesh, she want you or she wouldn't be paying you any attention. I know this. I'm a woman!

I used to think I was special. Some kind of over dramatic woman who would fall for anybody. But that's not true. We are all essentially the same. So, beloved brothers, here are some things you oughta know.

***These are things that pertain to God fearing women. If the woman you talking to is not saved you need to let that GO! Immediately.

1. We want someone who will make us feel special. (Yes, she feels special because she cannot see all the other people, men and women alike, that you have in your inbox along with her.)

2. We want someone who can point us towards Jesus. (YES, it is MUCHO attractive to us that you love the Lord more than anything or anyone! We love it! Ask any woman. You can be as ugly as you wanna be, but if you preaching the WORD! You just got real fine. I'm telling the truth in this place.)

3. We want a man that is easy to respect. (We may act salty when you rebuke or point out our sin, but on the inside we want to submit to that! Be careful if she is practicing submission on you. She tryna get wifed up.)

4. We want someone who loves his mama! (Just please, be easy on the family details. If she is coming to your house and hanging out with your mama, she already grafted herself into your family in her head. Yes, that sounds crazy to you. But us women are in it to win it. If your mother is mentoring some young women in your church, don't take to them to quick. Cause they will have you claimed in a hot second. Just so you know.)

Now, these aren't things that are your fault, men. You're pursuing God, so you're gonna be awesome! Just be wise with who you share it with. And be aware that just as often as men are tempted with sex, we are tempted to spill our love and will get MAD when it's not reciprocated. Why? I have no idea. Ask the Lord. And let me know what you find out.

Ladies, I'm not a man. But I can tell you what I've been through. You need to guard your heart. Do not be afraid to set boundaries for yourself. PLEASE!!! Listen to the HOLY SPIRIT and cut off that one guy friend who is just a little too close and whose last name you already matched with yours to see if it's doable. Don't play me. You know what I'm talking about. Please, don't waste the treasure that you are on a man that is not your husband or future husband. The man God has for you will treasure you more than you can fathom. We have already processed how to keep our legs closed, now let's be emotionally pure as well!

Everybody wants to tell us how to not have sex! But, ladies, let's be real, most of us are past that and it is time to go on to maturity! You know better! This is not about legalism. So stop blaming it on the law and break that emotional tie. That's where it starts for us. We have given up having sex for pleasure, but if that man you've been eyeing and connecting with tried to get at you, you're already so emotionally tied up, you'd let him! Yes. I just said that. So, sister, let it go. He's not for you. And it's hard. And it sucks. But you have to break that tie. You have to break that habit. That's something you do not want in your future marriage. Get intimate with God and all other intimacies will pale in comparison.

So, I'm done with this post. Ladies, if you need prayer over that emotional tie, please call me and I WILL PRAY WITH YOU!

Gentlemen, read a book or two and learn how to guard your sister's hearts. Don't be afraid to say hey girl, you don't need to be telling me all that! Boundaries are not the law. All things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial. Be wise. Please.

Song of Solomon says THREE times:

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Vv. 2:7, 2:5, 8:4

Everything is permissible - but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible - but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. 1 Corinthians 10:23, 24

The Heart of Worship

I'm sure everybody and they mama got a blog called The Heart of Worship.

Well here's mine. Lol.

People always say things to me about my worship. I even talked about in my blog There's A Story Behind My Praise how there were mock videos made of my extreme worship style. I'm pretty crazy for Jesus. I love Him. That's that. And for more about that please read the blog I wrote before.

There's some more things I want to say about worship.

First of all, worship is a lifestyle not an event.

I mean, people are always gung ho for a worship night, or worship before the sermon once a week on Sundays, but we forget about it the rest of the week. I don't mean just singing some songs and jumping up and down. I don't mean shouting all over the church and lifting your hands, maybe, if the song hits you just right. What I'm talking about is a lifestyle.

We have to learn to offer every part of our lives to God as worship. Before we go to work in the morning saying, "God I offer my work to you today as worship. I worship you with the way I do my job and the way I treat the people I serve and serve with." The same goes for school and running errands, and parenting and the McDonald's drive thru. Lord knows if we had more worshippers in the Panera drive thru on my side of the window and on the other side service would go well.

Because when we do things as worship we do them God's way. When we do things as worship we do them for God, not for us and not for other people.

So who do you worship? Who do you seek to please in your everyday life? Because I seek to please God, my bosses are pleased with me because God is not going to lead me to be lazy, irresponsible or rude.

Secondly, we have got to get away from our "worship preferences."

The way I grew up worshipping was way different that the church I first attended in college which was still very different than the church I was discipled in while I was in college. I've been in all types of worship services. From Negro Spirituals to Catholic hymns, to soulful gospel music to contemporary mainstream Christian worship to Baptist hymnals. I've seen a lot.

When I came to Christ no one had to teach me about worship. I mean, I owe Jesus my life and it somehow clicked in me to worship and sing praises to Him as gratitude. I wasn't shy about it either. I realized that I'm a more intimate worshipper. I like to be in my own zone when I worship. I love corporate worship, but I love my own space. I like the music loud. I like to feel the bass in my chest. I love to sing right to God.

In any worship service you may notice these three types of people. Take a look and see which one you might be. There's two sides to each.

A. The Spectator

This person is too busy seeing what everyone else is doing to focus on God. They are concerned with who is lifting their hands, who is crying, who is shouting and who is sitting down.

On the other hand, a person may be spectating because they are unsure what they are supposed to do. Maybe you're observing because you want to know how you can get to a place of intimate worship as well. I want to tell you this: JUST DO IT. Let the Lord lead you. Practice His presence when you aren't so overwhelmed by a crowd. Worship the Lord in your bedroom or while you wash dishes. There isn't much to this thing. His presence is available everywhere you are because He lives inside of you!

B. The Critic

Ok. Here it is. This person can't get in the presence of God because of their critical attitude. You so worried about if someone is worshipping in Spirit and in truth that you aren't worshipping at all! You got something to say about everybody's worship. If when worship is over you can give a rundown of how sister so and so was faking, then you are the one who's missing it, honey. Stop criticizing and start praising!

This person will not worship if they don't like the songs being sung. They always got something to say about the worship leader or the choir director. I've been this person. For example, there is this church and I know the worship leader did not show fruit of a Christian life. Because of some things that happened, I was completely adversed to worshipping while he was leading. I sat on my seat when I was there. Didn't move a muscle. I said "God how can I worship when I know He ain't right! This is not OK, God. He needs to get right with You. He needs to fear You and understand that just because You show up when he sings doesn't mean he has a place with you in eternity. C'mon, Jesus! Just let me show him Matthew 7:21 ONE TIME!!!"

And did I get rebuked by the Holy Spirit? HECK YEAH! The Spirit spoke to me and told me first of all that worship is not about who is leading, but about who I'm worshipping. Was God still good to me? Didn't He bring me into the marvelous light? In fact, isn't He the one who even gave me discernment in the first place? Then why wasn't I taking what I knew and laying this man at the throne of Jesus instead of judging him and boycotting his position in the church! This wasn't even my church! The Lord brought me down to size and reminded me that I ain't but that far from being where this man was. I was him. I would get up and praise dance and people would worship the Lord and I would walk away unchanged because I was LOST. But He still used me.

Needless to say, I got my butt of that seat and gave God the praise. I repented.

I understand your concern for people and order. It is important to do things decently and in order so that no one is lead astray. But God has a special blessing for you. God wants to take your ability to notice these things and use them for His glory! Get in God's presence and ask Him what His purpose is for this point of view. Use your discernment to edify the body of Christ instead of to tear it down.

C. The Sincere Worshipper

Ok, guys. This person really does love the Lord. If you're the sincere worshipper you really enjoy worshipping the Lord, it is your heart's delight to give Him glory. But sometimes you are inconsiderate of other people. The Bible says that Jesus is looking for true worshippers that worship Him in Spirit AND in TRUTH. (John 4) You are sincere, and God honors that, but it's okay to chill out sometimes.

I know I had an issue with this. I'm just so intense during worship. I'm jumping and I'm screaming and I'm yelling. Then God spoke to me one day and said He ain't deaf! He can hear even the faintest whisper that I speak. It is great to give God your all, but be aware of the people in the room that are spectators and want to see the truth aspect and not just the spirit. You don't have to cry every time you worship. You don't have to shout every time they play your favorite song. Be free to worship by all means, but don't cause someone to stumble because of your high on life.

Granted, sometimes it's just one of those days, man. It's like DO YOU KNOW WHAT GOD DID FOR ME THIS WEEK??!!!!!! Which is fine. But be Biblical. We live a supernatural life, but it is still NATURAL. Sometimes it don't take all that.

And sometimes it does.

Now for you truthers. You are definitely a sincere worshipper, and God hears your heart. But it doesn't hurt to let go of CONTROL sometimes and worship God with your whole HEART and not just your head! Let Him take you there. Do what you've been afraid of doing. LIFT your hands. PRAY in tongues. SING a little louder. Get into it. Hasn't God been good to you? He won't make you weird, He'll make you whole. That breakthrough you're looking for might take some brokenness before you get through. I encourage you to give it your all, whether at church or at home.

Thirdly, just listen to the words.

I've been walking with the Lord for almost 5 years, and it amazes me how many worship songs there are. What a BRAND NEW life and perspective I have! Man, I've been singing Christmas carols since I could talk; but WHO KNEW THEY WERE ABOUT JESUS?!!! I had no clue until I knew who Jesus was! If you're struggling with they style of a song, maybe it's a little slower than you prefer, just listen to the wooorrrdddssss. Man.

For example, some of my family is Baptist. I'm not. I prefer faster songs or more intimate songs. But every time we go to one of there churches they sing this sloooooooooooooowwwwwwwww hymn. Every time. It would stress me out. But instead of being critical I asked God to show me the beauty and worship in it. God began to illuminate to me how the song is about Him as a provider and to meditate on that when we sing it. 

Have you ever actually thought about the songs that you sing during worship? Just think of a common Christmas carol. Let's take God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Here's an excerpt. Go here for the full lyrics.

God rest ye merry, gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember, Christ, our Saviour
Was born on Christmas day
To save us all from Satan's power
When we were gone astray
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

WHAT?!!! Christ was born to save us from Satan's power?!!! Because of that we sing tidings of comfort and joy! This song is about rejoicing because our savior has been born to save us from the power of sin and death?!! How can we not sing this with conviction and joy?!! I'm a little overwhelmed now! The people who wrote these songs were believers who had been waiting and believing for a savior for hundreds of years and He finally came! That's something to sing about! That's a reason to WORSHIP!

Here's one of my FAVORITE hymns!

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His word;
Just to rest upon His promise;
Just to know, Thus saith the Lord.

• Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him,
  How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er,
  Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus!
    O for grace to trust Him more.

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/568#ixzz2rzVG5JcD

So old school BUT SO SO SO GOOOOOODDD!!! I challenge you to look through a hymnal or online hymnal archive and find one that speaks to you so close like this one does to me. Don't think about the tune or the beat, focus on the anointing in the words. Forget the way you prefer things to be sung and listen to the heart of song and Jesus will meet you there.

I love you all!
Grace and peace and an eternity of worshipping our Lord!

Who Gave You the Right?

There's many things I'm passionate about, but there is one thing that just runs me hot and hurts my heart all at once.

Abortion.

I can't handle it. I can't stomach. I can't sit still when I think about it. Not only abortion itself. Not just the fact that someone would even think of the idea. 

What burns me to my core about abortion is the insane lengths people will go through to promote it, sustain it, fund it, represent it and cover it up. If only people would see it for what it really is.

They say politically no one is technically for abortion. But, hey. There's only two ways you can be. For or against. That's what my Bible reads. (P.S. Turning a blind eye to injustice puts you in the for category)

Let's start off with some abortion facts. What is abortion?

Let's copy and paste straight from Merriam-Webster.

abor·tion

 noun \ə-ˈbȯr-shən\

: a medical procedure used to end a pregnancy and cause the death of the fetus

Full Definition of ABORTION

1

:  the termination of a pregnancy after, accompanied by, resulting in, or closely followed by the death of the embryo or fetus: as

a :  spontaneous expulsion of a human fetus during the first 12 weeks of gestation — compare miscarriage

b :  induced expulsion of a human fetus

c :  expulsion of a fetus by a domestic animal often due to infection at any time before completion of pregnancy — compare contagious abortion

So there it is. In black and white.

Here's a link to the Planned Parenthood website that shows exactly what happens during an abortion and how much it costs.

Here is a diagram of the Dilation and Evacuation procedure that is described on the site:

I know, right. I don't know about you, but this was graphic for me. Even reading about the procedure...just...whoa.

I suppose the big debate is about when a fetus is considered an actual life with human rights. What do you think?

If we don't stand up for unborn children, who will? The state has no issue becoming involved when a mother wants to terminate her 4 year old child, why not a fetus with arms and legs and a heartbeat? And FINGERNAILS! (Shameless Juno plug)

I have never heard a good report about an abortion. Every woman I've talked to about it regrets it. It is almost always traumatic for the patient to have a fetus stripped from them. Most numb it with substance abuse or push it down just far enough so that it doesn't hurt anymore. They wish they could forget. But they can't.

Maybe it's my bad for hearing stories from women who have been redeemed by Jesus; but I highly doubt anyone else's story is much different. If you know of one, please, I want to hear it.

I'll tell you right now I didn't vote in the last election. I didn't know much about the replubican candidate, but I do know that the stance that the democrats have on abortion does not sit well with me. And it never will.

You can say the words "pro-choice" all day but it remains the same that no woman should have the "right" to murder.

It's not murder? Then why is it that we declare someone dead when their HEART stops beating, but we don't count an unborn baby as a LIFE when their HEARTS begin to beat. I've read that a baby's heart begins to beat as early as 22-23 DAYS after conception. Some mothers don't even know they are pregnant by then! If it's not murder then why is a drunk driver charged with TWO counts of man-slaughter when he crashes into a car and kills a pregnant woman?

Since when is our government so concerned with privacy that they overlook something as terrible as abortion? Sounds fishy to me.


There have been approximately 45,951,133 abortions since 1973. Don't tell me women are choosing abortion because of rape, incest and health problems. Ain't that many health problems in the world. Here's a breakdown of reasons why women get abortions.
So PLEASE, STOP covering up the fact that what you really want to abort is the consequences of your behavior by calling it women's rights. Don't cover it up any longer.

You know what women's rights are?? Try not being able to VOTE. Try being treated as PROPERTY. Try being BOUGHT, and SOLD, and TRADED. Try being BANNED from your family and friends every month by being commanded to leave town while you menstruate. Try living in the 1800s where selling your body was the main profitable thing you could do as a woman. Try living in some countries in THIS DAY AND AGE where your husband can BEAT YOU DOWN IN THE STREET and be patted on the back. Try being banned from things that are easily handed to us like education. 


So, my fellow American women, those of you making six figures and those making $8.50/hr, the next time you want to come to me talking about some women's rights try to be thankful for the rights you already have. This is for the woman considering abortion. I beg of you. Consider something else. Consider your child. Consider yourself. This is for the woman who has had a pregnancy scare or two. Stop. If you aren't ready for the consequences, realize your worth and wait for a man that won't drive you to this dreadful option. It isn't worth it. The high emotional and physical cost of abortion is not worth keeping a man around who doesn't care about you. You're worth more than that. And whether you know it or not, this IS a PLANNED pregnancy. You didn't plan it; but God did. He is forming something great in your womb, precious woman. Don't abort the process.

Here's a poem I wrote a couple of years ago: I Was Almost a Mother.